Swimming in Circles

"You're my best friend"

2009-08-20T15:00:00.003-04:00

Earlier today as I was helping my son put together the frayed-edged puzzle depicting Ernie bathing and Elmo brushing his teeth—for the fortieth time— when he turned to me with loving smile and said, "You are my Best friend."

He knocked the wind right out of me. I had to ask him what he said just so I could soak up every bit of love possible.

"You're my best friend Dadder."

Of course this was followed by big hugs and "I love you's". It was one of the sweetest moments of my life.

My son is growing up so fast. He is growing up an outstanding young man.

I am so proud to be his father. It thrills me to my very soul when he out of the blue turns to me and proclaims me to be his number one pal. I know it won't last long before he realizes that Dadders are not always going to be friends. We have to make the tough decisions. Dadders need to be able to show their sons how to distinguish from what is convenient and what is right. What is fun and what is responsible. That we may not always get what we want, but what we need and in the end we are better people because of it. The kind of choices that a friend, no matter how good, cannot make. And I can almost gaurantee he will not like some of the decisions I will make. They might not all be good I am learning too—just trying to stay a few steps ahead of him. It will be these times that Dadders need to have skin like a 'Rhinosaurus' so the trivial hate that he may feel towards me cannot hurt. And memories like an 'Elphint' to remember that he may not like me at that moment in time but he still loves me. Unconditionally. Forever.

So for now as he slumbers throught his afternoon nap, I am going to bathe myself in the glory of that memory. Re-enforce it by sharing my thoughts on this old blog so that I will hold on to it for the rest of my life.

I know that we will forever be best friends.

"Well it's alright, even if you're old and gray..."

2009-04-27T12:24:00.003-04:00

I received good news last week...I was finally approved for unemployment compensation. After Five months of back and forth, contacting my State and local representatives, nasty letters and plenty of breaking down, I was elated to see some money in our account. Yippie!

Now I can go buy that sixty-inch plasma TV!

Kidding.

I can finally eat again.

Not kidding.

"I want to be sedated"

2009-04-09T08:40:00.004-04:00

It is official. I have been denied Unemployment Compensation because I am attending school and according to the mediator who heard my appeal case, "unwilling to quit school to accept any job".

I just want to say that I will never again ask the State of Ohio, or any level of government for help.

I have worked hard since I was thirteen. I have always paid my taxes and been a good citizen. I have always done what is right and tried my best. The one time I swallow my pride and reach out for help and I get put through the ringer. Nice show State, nice show.

Four and a half months of fighting and appealing...down the drain.

FUCK!

I am not in a good mood right now. I think I am going to find some city workers and.....

"I want to hold your hand"

2009-04-08T15:21:00.000-04:00

Hand

"You say it's your birthday....we're gonna have a good time"

2009-03-24T13:31:00.007-04:00

Happy Birthday.

I love you Giddo.

"Can't say what I'm doing here, but I hope to see much clearer after living in the material world"

2009-02-19T14:23:00.009-05:00

"I just want to say that I feel fine. Everything seems wrong. Nothing is so wrong that it can't be fixed. I actually feel better now than I have in a long time. It's been an amazing lesson in perseverance, dedication and patience.

I will succeed.

I recently read a good book called the Bhagavad Gita. And although I have no intention of becoming a practicing Hindu, I seem to have a clearer understanding of life now. It has calmed my soul and shown me a way to become more in touch with my Atman, if you will.

I also had a nice discussion with my Guitar instructor, who as well as being a brilliant guitarist is a Zen Buddhist. We talked about meditation, and so on....

I think it's the time in my life when I need to start finding my spiritual self."
2/19/09

I started to write the above post last month. I never published the post. I was wearing a mask of false bravado, trying to force myself to stay positive. I still am in a way trying to force myself to be positive. It's rather difficult.

Since then I have also read: "Man's search for meaning: An Introduction to Logotherapy", "Guatama Buddha in life and Legend", and am currently reading "Not always so: Practicing the true art of Zen."

I don't feel much like doing anything. I just feel kind of empty. Pixie keeps telling me that all I am posting is a bunch of depressing dribble. I don't care. This is my blog and my life that I am talking about. Right now it's mostly depressing dribble.

Our mini vacation in Chicago was very nice. We got to visit with G-Gi and Grandpa. G-tot was thrilled to see them and is still saying "Grampa, G-Gi!"

We went to the Burpee Natural History Museum in Rockford and saw T. Rex bones. G-tot is now crazy for dinosaurs.

Chicago was nice too. Pixie and I walked around took in the sites. Thanks to the generosity of my Uncle we had a great dinner at a quaint little Italian restaurant. Grandpa and G-Gi took us to the Cheese Cake Factory for dinner on Saturday. The rest of the time was enjoyed laying around in the hotel room.

I wish I would have had more money. There are a lot of people in the city who need help. I can't help but feel for them, and had I had the money I would have helped them. It always amazes me to see people carrying bags out of a store where a shirt costs five hundred dollars, and then completely ignoring the father and son standing ragged in the street asking for change so they can go eat a meal that isn't from a garbage can. Are these pretentious fashionistas desensitized to the plight of their fellow man because they see abject poverty all the time? Has their desire for the material world left them completely blind to what is happening around them? Are they just so shallow that they don't care? Am I just ignorant of how the world really behaves? Perhaps all the above.

All I know is that I can not give up. I will overcome. And when I do, I will make it part of my life's work to help my fellow man. Everyone needs help in one way or another.

Peace.

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't"

2009-01-27T12:54:00.005-05:00

I lost my job almost two months ago.

I begrudgingly filed for unemployment because I am unable to find work.

After two months of waiting Unemployment has denied my claim because I am attending school and according to them 'unable to work a regular schedule in my chosen field'.

So basically because I am trying to better my self by obtaining a B.A and finding a career and not just a shitty job— which I am more than willing to work a shitty job around my school schedule, I am unable to receive unemployment compensation to help my family through this tough time. Now my family will suffer. We have no money and no prospects.

Thanks a lot state of Ohio...you can suck a fart out of my asshole.

"All I want is the truth. Just give me some truth."

2009-01-10T13:28:00.008-05:00

According to Naynayfazz these are the rules I must adhere to:

A) You must write 10 honest things about yourself that are interesting.

Honest, sure. Interesting, most likely not.

B) Pass the award along to 7 other bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of Honest Scrap.

I don't even have seven real friends let alone seven online friends so this rule is going to be bent. Anyone who wants to participate in Honest Scrap may do so at their own free will.

Okay now that the formalities are over let's get this circus underway.

1. When I was a lower case JQ I was told that raisins were nothing more than cockroaches with their limbs removed. I have not eaten a raisin since that day. Thanks Matt.

2. My toes are referred to as beans. My house, my rules.

3. I once saw a movie called What the Bleep do we know? I was intrigued by the process of positive thinking and wanted to flex my positive thinking muscle. The next day I threw a set of three darts four times to see if I could will good shots. Out of those twelve darts thrown I scored eight bulls-eyes. Are you impressed? Me neither.

4. This one is horrible, but I have to rid myself of the guilt that has been tearing at my soul for so many years. Maybe by admitting this I will release the grip that negative karma seems to have over me as of late.
I once put a plastic baggy over my sister's cat's head. I do not remember my reasoning, I very seriously doubt there was a reason. Perhaps I was pretending he was the first feline astronaut to visit the moon. Perhaps a naughty feline with an extremely odd and dangerous fetish. Anyway, if that is not bad enough I forgot about the cat and found it some time later, laying like a heaving...well suffocating cat with a bag on his head. I promptly removed the bag. Ted E. Bear never forgave me. I have never forgiven myself either.

5. I like to stand in front of the mirror and brush my teeth. Shocking right?

6. I refuse to go through Pixie's purse. If I have to retrieve some article: a cell phone, car keys, an eight ball, it had better be laying comfortably on top of everything else. Lord knows I don't like to dig around for my crack ball.

7. I used to eat peanut butter and mayo sandwiches. Don't you judge me.

8. I prefer to continue ignoring the alarm that has been going off the entire time I have been writing this post. Let it beep all it wants. I don't care.

9. The truth is I may never really know what Willis was talking 'bout!

10. I let Pixie beat me at Risk five times in a row to let her feel good about herself. I could have won. I swear.

There you have it, ten truths about me. Aren't you sorry you asked Naynay?

Happy X-mas (war is over)

2008-12-25T11:52:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas!!

"Sometimes my life it feels like fiction..."

2008-12-17T21:37:00.007-05:00

My first official semester as a student in the Music Education Program at our local University ended today. It was a great experience! I met scores of intelligent, talented people. I learned a lot about myself and my guitar. I got nervous, got excited, had a kick-ass recital with the Guitarkestra, and then learned more about who I really am.
My typical day consisted of getting G-man ready for the day, going to school, going to work, going back to school, getting G-man from daycare (every Monday and Wednesday), getting his dinner, bath and bedtime together, practicing 'till the wee hours of the morning and then doing the whole thing again the next day. I stayed up too late for months practicing and studying. I learned how to learn. I am learning (it's an on-going process) how to deal with incredible amounts of stress.
My relationship with my lovely wife has been stretched (don't worry we are okay).
My relationship with my family—my siblings and parental units— has become almost non-existent (don't worry we are okay).
I can play a major scale at least fifteen different ways on my guitar.
I can play any given chord at least two different ways.
I can actually read music now.
I can play the piano....a little.
I have only begun to scratch the surface of understanding my guitar and music.
I feel good about myself for not giving up.
I lost my job and became unemployed.
I need a job.
I turn 30 tomorrow.

I know I am rambling but I don't care. I just need to post something.

I am going outside for a cigarette and then down to my cave to practice until Pixie gets home.

"The times they are a changing"

2008-11-05T08:07:00.004-05:00

I did not vote for him.

I do not agree with many of his policies.

But he is my president and I will support him.

Good Luck Obama.

"America the beauiful..."

2008-11-02T21:25:00.002-05:00

America, stop being brainwashed!

People say that voting third party is a waste of time. I tell those people to blow it out their ass. If enough of us wake up and realize that we have more choices than just the Democrats and Republicans, we might have a hope maintaining what our forefathers intended: A glorious and free America. I do not want to see my nation become a failing superpower heading towards socialism; a nation of whiners who feel entitled to the American Dream without working towards that dream; who wait for Big Brother to tells us what to think and where to go. If what I say seems too radical, well it is radical. Just allow the Federal government to further strip your freedoms away under the guise of "We know what's best for you." Let the Federal government tax you on every concievable item. Bend over while they take away your freedom of choice, your freedom of speech, your right to bear arms, your privacy, your free enterprise, on and on and on and before you know what has happened we are all wearing brown jump suits and pledging allegiance to a camera that follows you around all day.

Okay that may be a little extreme, but you get the point right?

If you really want to make a change then vote...Libertarian.

That's right, Libertarian.

Sure the Libertarian party will not win this election, but if enough of us vote Libertarian, we will send a clear message to the assclowns on the hill that 'We the People' are tired of the two-party system. We will send the message that we want more personal responsibility and less government intrusion. We will send the message that we are paying attention and that we don't like what we see.

I know that I might be viewed as a loony for posting my eccentric political beliefs (am I crazy for not wanting to live off the governments teat? Am I crazy for not liking either of the candidates and therefore not settling for the lesser of two evils?), but in the immortal words of Pop-eye; "That's all I can stand and I can't stands no more!"

So this tuesday I will not waste my vote like millions of other sheople. To steal a platitude that both parties rely on; I will cast my ballot in the hope for real change.

If you have a right mind and have paid attention to both sides of the current political spectrum than you might just as well have come to this conclusion also. Anybody who is not a true Democrat might understand. And for the rest of you bleeding-hearts, just realize that the people can take care of themselves. We do not need a government to hold our hands. It is time to grow up and take responsibility for your own life. Take responsibility for your own government.

"Oh say can you see..."

2008-10-31T02:09:00.004-04:00

Something of interest.

"There's something happening here..."

2008-09-17T12:58:00.006-04:00

So the government bailed out AIG, just weeks after the Federal intervention of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

That scares the hell out of me.

To accomplish these unusual and severe tactics to secure stability of the market, the government is using close to two-hundred billion dollars of our tax money. In exchange for this assistance, the government is taking the lion's share of stock in these companies until the money is paid back.

I have a question. Since our tax dollars have bailed these companies out of the financial crisis that was created by corporate greed and the inability to foresee the near future of the economy, when will I be receiving my profit share check? After all we pay for the government; they use our money for every bullshit bureaucracy they create, and every hair-brained, pork-fat, asinine program they create and every palm they grease, and all the money they hand out to their friends and family. That is our money. Not theirs.

I have another question. How long is the average American — the majority of the population that pays for all this bullshit while trying to make ends meet (no, not the welfare junkies or the elitist rich)— going to put up with this ridiculous and rampant government spending? When will enough be enough? When gas is eight, nine, ten dollars a gallon? When the price of a gallon of milk is six or seven dollars? When you can't even afford to heat your house in the winter because some fat cat CEO and politician have decided to jack up the rates for their own interests?

Do you think John McCain or Barack Obama are going to change anything? You are delusional if you think that. I am not saying they won't try for the first month or so, but that is when the real leaders (congress) will pound any iota of change back into this unbalanced Parliament of Whores. And besides, they are all career politicians, they are part of the problem, not the solution.

If you care about this country, or the little bit of freedom you have left, then vote third party so we can abolish this perpetual two-party system. Or, grow some testicles and rise up against this tyrannical government and take back America.

Or just sit on your ass and be brainwashed by Hollywood, and wait for Big Brother (the personification of totalitarianism from the book 1984...not the shitty, mind-numbing, superficial t.v. show) to tell you what to do.

There, I feel better now.

"Nobody knows you, when you're down and out."

2008-08-26T21:23:00.004-04:00

I started my classes yesterday.

I am not nervous, just excited. The classes and people are great! A myriad of people all there for the love of music. The workload seems a little overwhelming, but nothing a little organization and elbow grease can't handle. After all, I am just starting.
Okay, I am a little nervous about finances. I still feel selfish for going back to school, when I should be killing myself working to support my family. Well not killing myself but being a better provider than what I am now. I have not quit my job to become a full time student, I just took a small cut in pay. That doesn't mean I don't want to be a better provider, it's just taking me longer to get where I want to be. Working and fighting to realize one's aspirations is not easy...ever, but I implemented this plan months ago and will see it through to it's long, arduous end. Thank a seemingly omnipotent yet ambiguous personification of all our doubts and fears (GOD?, come on people it's not funny if I have to explain...) for Pixie's support, you are great baby!

Needless to say the old purse strings are going to be drawn even tighter. Living puts a strain on our income. Do you know how much money I could save if I didn't have to buy anything? Who really needs to purchase frivolous merchandise like deodorant, toothpaste, or toilet paper right? I just won't sweat, use my teeth to eat and wipe with my hand. Adding a child strains the income further; now I have to buy extra food and water and deodorant, not to mention diapers, wipes, lots and lots of milk and more diapers. Now throw a smaller budget and the inevitable mountain of student loans into the mix.
We don't mind staying at home eating a nice meal as opposed to going out to an upscale eatery like Del Taco, but because of my selfish acts, my family will have to cut out some of our lavish lifestyle, like eating generic brand everything—is there a generic brand for generic brands? We already eat Happy Circles instead of Cheerios, what's next Complacent Eclipses? And as far as me not eating lunch, I will have to skip breakfast and dinner as well.
Also no more turning on the lights at night. This might also make our eyes stronger which could led to a savings at the optometrist. Or we could make candles out of ear-wax—which, if we run low, might be a good way to met the neighbors.
And "If it is yellow let it mellow, if it is brown flush it down." will have to be changed to "If it is yellow or if it is brown, dig a hole in the ground." Not only would we not owe a huge $50 water bill four times a year, we could fertilize the front yard.
Showers will be reduced from every third day to every other week. I'm on the water saving kick. This might prove tricky if I stop buying deodorant.
In an effort to save electricity, I will no longer be using the Internet to post my blog. I will send out carrier pigeons every third Friday to keep you all informed of my happenings. You might be shocked that I would increase the frequency of my posts, but I have ulterior motives. Please feed them well and send them back, as I will eventually eat them.
I thought about becoming a gigolo, come on Fab, you know you want to.

In all seriousness though, my pay cut and G-man needing daycare, we are strapped. My only hope is to win the lottery....or slip and fall in one of the anchor stores of the area's new upscale mall. It's a long way to the mall, I better start thumbing.

What ways could you save money?

"All your compliments and your cutting remarks are captured here in my quotation marks "

2008-08-24T22:10:00.002-04:00

I just realized that I have not been updating my Ten Books in 12 Months list. Well, I have thought about the list before but I am finally getting around to posting about it. I have not, however, forgotten about reading the books that I set out to read in order to accomplish my goal of ten books in twelve months, ya know like I had stated in the opening sentence of this paragraph, which depending on how fast you read was probably only a few seconds ago, or not as you very well might have grown tired of this blog and hit that little next button at the top of the page, in which case you are not here any longer and this sentence has become obsolete, course you would not know because you are not here anymore, so your loss. Okay now that we have that run-on out of the way here is a re-cap of my list:

1. George Harrison Biography/ Order of the Phoenix
I counted these two books as one, because I felt the Biography was a little too short to count as a book and the Potter book was—I thought at the time—a child's novel.
2. Half-Blood Prince
3. Deathly Hallows
You can see I changed my mind about the merit of the Potter series. They ended up being extremely entertaining. I will own these one day so that G-man can enjoy them as much as Pixie and I did.
4. Animal Farm
I think the last time I mentioned this list of books I was half-way through this book. Animal Farm was good the first time I read it, but better the second time. I said it before, but I will say it again...poor Boxer.
5. 1984
Same as Animal Farm so far as enjoyment factor. Also very scary when you think at how close these novels came in representing modern day government and society.
6. Journey to the Center of the Earth
Not as good as I thought it was going to be though it was a welcome break to the totalitarian theme of the past two books.
7. Fahrenheit 451
Okay, back to the future with another scary government-controlled-utilitarian-society novel. If you have never read this novel before, I implore you to give it a chance. Try and get the fiftieth anniversary edition that contains the afterword, coda and interview with Bradbury. He has some very poignant quotes.

I have no idea what the eighth book is going to be. I want to visit more classics, maybe even another Verne book—hey, I'll give him a second chance. If anyone has a favorite classic they wish to recommend then bring it on. I will entertain all ideas.

"Baby it's the guitar man"

2008-08-18T22:17:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I went to a bar about twelve miles south of Toledo, in the quaint little town of Waterville for a bi-weekly open mic night. The bar was mostly empty save a few friends of the DJ/Guitar player there to sing and take turns playing. After consuming a pint of liquid courage I stepped up to the mic and performed the demo version of "Mystical One" from the George Harrison album Gone Troppo.

I was still to shy to sing, but the song is pretty and went over well. It was slightly odd not playing on my guitar—this guitar had very low action which I don't care for—so I went out to my truck and retrieved mine.

I quickly lost my nerves and paitently waited for my next turn. This time I did one of my songs, which recieved a pretty good response from my peers. I only have two verses to that particular song at this point but it felt good to play my music in public for people who are not personal friends of mine. That was to change quickly though as the two other guitar players, three singers and I hit it off. I sat in on every song after that. It was an interesting experience and a great exercise in some of the many areas that I need to work on including but not limited to: networking, playing outside of my comfort zone, putting my music out there (even if only to a mostly empty bar), and playing new-to-me music. Some songs I had never heard of, some I had never played, others I haven't played in a long time, but all the songs were fun. We went an hour and a half past the alloted time, but no one seemed to mind.

By the end of the night we were a little tipsy, a little from the drinks but mostly from the high of having fun playing music. Everyone was glad that I played and sang and seemed to be excited at the prospect of having a new person to jam with every other sunday. I felt very welcomed by the crowd and will most likely go back for the next jam. This has given me the motivation to try and find other open mic nights to play.

Living the dream.

"We're gonna have a good time"

2008-08-15T07:45:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Pixie!

Over the years I have learned that one must be sensitive when discussing a woman's age. Therefore, I am not going to crack any jokes about how extremely old she will be. Nope, not even going to compare her age with that of soil. I do not want to be that person who takes a very serious matter like being "youthfully challenged" and drives the joke over the hill and into the ground.

So I will simply say many things become better with age: wine, investments, cheese. You are wise and tenured. Aged like a stinky cheese. And you know how much I love me some stinky cheese.

Wishing you all you would wish yourself. I love you baby!

"The wheels of fiction run in my mind"

2008-08-09T13:41:00.004-04:00

The rusted cogs of a
Silent machine,
Have polished silver
Hidden beneath.

Screeching, squawking
And foofing smoke—
Now it works—that
machine ere was broke.

The squeaky wheel
That wanted grease now
Has sibilant slang sliding from
Its cheeks.

Rambling Man

2008-07-29T02:06:00.009-04:00

Okay. So it has been over a month since my last post. I have been very busy as of late. I am going back to school to pursue a career in music—my life-long dream, concentrating on being a good father, trying to find another job that will work with my crazy school schedule, practicing my guitar, trying to record my songs, touching myself, shopping for tissues (I can just imagine my mother-in-law shaking her head), reading about other bloggers who are taking that first leap of faith in an effort to find happiness, questioning my sanity, extorting shop owners, building up courage and knocking down walls. I'm also getting around to painting the house and doing the garden.

I am so busy living life that I don't have time to write about it. Go figure.

How about a nice picture?

In other news I had to go buy a new glass slide for my guitar. I went to grab my guitar, forgot it was plugged into the midi-interface and the chord pulled the slide right onto the basement floor. Yeah, shattered into thousands of pieces, one of which lodged into the extremely calloused sole of my foot. I didn't realize this and when I went to scratch the top of my other foot I cut my toe open. Fun.

The fingers on my left hand are between an eighth and a quarter inch longer than the fingers on my right hand. Weird huh?

G-man is getting his pre-molars. He can be cranky.
He also just learned how to drink from a straw.

Okay, back to living. I'll be back later.

"In the flesh"

2008-06-23T19:58:00.000-04:00

Now that I have installed a new back door, my plan is to move our iMac down into the basement and begin setting up a mini-studio. I have roughly twenty-five songs I have written and would like to start fleshing them out into actual-honest-to-goodness-I-can-really-hear these-and-not-just-in-my-head songs. Even if they are all simply produced with a minimum amount of layering and dubbing and instruments—shit even if it's just my acoustic—I want to get them all down.

Who knows maybe I will investigate publishing them. Or, maybe I can find someone to buy the composition.

Another idea I had was to somehow set up the songs so that one could hear them and hopefully enjoy the song enough to purchase it online. Though, I will have to have Pixie's computer expertise to guide me through that endeavor.

JQ plays and records music. JQ no fancy with com-poo-tor.

All I want is to get them down once and for all (until I tweak them later) and feel like I have accomplished something.

My goal is going to be two songs a month. I want to set the bar a little low so that I can actually achieve my goal.

"Poppa was a rolling stone..."

2008-06-15T09:29:00.004-04:00

Happy Fathers day to my Dad. You are a gentle spirit with a huge heart and a serious need of a haircut.

Happy Fathers day to my Father-in-law from the island. You like to hunt animals with a bow and arrow.

Happy Fathers day to my Father-in-law in Illinois. You have an impressive shirt and tie collection.

Simply wishing all of the dads in your life a great fathers day!

"Hidden in the lines, Written on the pages, is the answer to the....."

2008-05-27T06:29:00.007-04:00

It was a great weekend. I was sick as a a dog on Saturday, which was no fun. I never get sick. I honestly can't remember the last time I was ill, but I won't forget Saturday for a long time. It was a wasted day.

Sunday was much better. I spent the entire morning doing the odd jobs for other people that I should have done Friday, but was too lazy and couldn't do Saturday. Then we tried to go to the Zoo but ended up driving right past as the line to get in extended for miles down the highway. So we ended up going to one of the many fine metro parks in our area and had a spot of lunch. G-man got to run around in great big open spaces—which he loves to do. Then we went to Best Buy. Pixie got herself something nice (she might tell you about it), G-man got a sweet new Elmo video and I got one of my favorite movies from my youth; "The Never Ending Story". We watched it Sunday night. That movie rocks! It was a great trip sown nostalgia lane. Then I read three chapters of Biology interspersed with ever-increasing amounts of caffeine and after everyone went to bed I took my online Biology test.

Monday we slept in until 8:30, jumped out of bed, woke G-man up, packed a lunch and headed to the Zoo. Members were allowed to get in the gate one hour before anybody else all weekend. That was awesome! There was hardly anybody in the parking lot which allowed us to park within a city block of the front gate! It felt like we had the whole zoo to ourselves. They have a new amphibian exhibit, among the other fine displays, which G-man enjoyed. We have been to the Zoo at least three times now (Pixie, Grandma and G-man went without me once) and our membership has already paid for itself.
Oh but that's not all, later in the day we took a walk up to the Super Wal-mart to get milk and juice and passed a shoe store along the way. I bought myself some new sandals. Why am I so excited? The last time I bought sandals the country was not in "war", the price of gas was reaching an astounding $1.25 a gallon and I was still living in the apartment above my parents house. Yeah I needed new sandals.

All-in-all it was a nice relaxing weekend with my family. Pure Heaven.

"Momma's gonna keep Baby healthy and clean."

2008-05-11T07:52:00.005-04:00

Today is Mothers Day. Back when we had a rabbit I would cut out a crooked little heart, glue some sparkles to the front, scratch my name on the back and write “Happy Mommy’s Day” smack dab in the middle. Rabbits, as we all are aware, aren't very good artists so I was lucky enough not to have to work too hard. This year I finally don’t have to get my wife anything….G-man is on his own. However I will say:

For hand growing our child with out the use of pesticides, and making him turn out perfect, Happy Mothers Day.

For enduring through twenty hours of excruciating natural labor, only to have a giant needle shoved in your back, your abdomen sliced open and our child pulled out, Happy Mothers Day.

For selflessly sacrificing your body in order to grow our little boy, Happy Mothers Day.

For staying up all night long in the Hospital for three days in a row to make sure our little boy was still breathing, Happy mothers Day.

For Loving me enough to want to have my child, Happy Mothers Day.

For all the times you have cleaned up poopie diapers, wiped boogers up with your bare hands, stayed up all night with G-man, listened to my whining, cleaned the living room after a hard day, comforted us with your gentle touch, Happy Mothers Day.

For all the times you have gone above and beyond the call of duty to make G-man and I feel comfortable, Happy Mothers Day.

We love you Mommy!

(That's Louie the elephant with his mom. I thought it was a nice sentiment.)

And to my own Mother: Even though you don’t have a computer and will probably never read this blog, I love you mommy, you rock!

And to my mother-in-law: you did a great job raising Pixie and even though I find it awkward to call you mom, I love you just the same. Happy mothers day!

And to my other mother-in-law: I love you too, you crazy yooper you! Happy mothers day!

"Any road will take you there"

2008-05-09T07:24:00.004-04:00

I had a very exciting day yesterday. I spent all day at orientation at a local University. I am going back to school to get a degree in music. More specifically music education.
A lot has been going on in my life lately, and I finally decided to pursue the dream I have had since I was a kid. Of course back then I wanted to be a rock star, but the point is I love music and I want to be involved somehow. If I can get other people to appreciate music as much as I do, I will have made that difference in the world I always thought I would make.
Why shouldn't I pursue my dream? I will only be here for so long, and hopefully am not coming back, so now is the time.
There is a long hard road in front of me and I would be lying if I said I was not a little scared. This is my dream. I will live it.

Rock Lobster

2008-04-29T07:02:00.012-04:00

I have been very busy as of late. I feel like I should have something to post to remain a part of the blogging community. I will talk about why I am so busy when I find some time, not being so busy. So here is another silly post. Enjoy.

The other day I spotted.....

...the very rare and deadly one-eyed lobster.

This cranky crustacean is usually found sulking in the bottom of large bodies of water, not in living rooms. However without the added drag of water to slow the angry arthropod down, it is very agile and likes to sneak up on it's victims.

One-eyed lobsters are very patient, waiting for the exact moment to pounce.

The malignant Malacostraca leaps into the air, trying to clamp on to the carotid artery and use a pair of large pointy flappers to inject a lethal dose of poison- which oddly enough consists of two parts butter and one part garlic paste.

Thankfully the deadly lobster has missed it's mark and been swatted away.

The proper way to clutch the deadly lobster is right behind the large pincher, so that it does not give you an owie.

Then neutralize the lobster by blinding it. Once it cannot see, you can taunt it all you wish. Just make sure to keep moving in circles. Lobsters have a very acute sense of hearing, a fragile psyche and are extremely sensitive to verbal abuse. They will sulk for hours when properly browbeaten, thus giving the would be victim ample time to scuttle away.

Hey wait a minute this was a regular lobster all along! No need to worry! I'll just go put a pot on to boil.

"I'm fixing a hole...." or "I'm a back door man"

2008-04-21T07:17:00.009-04:00

I installed a new back door this weekend. The job was not as hard as I thought. I simply spent five hours tearing out the old door frame being very careful not to disturb anything. Then I spent another three and a half hours installing the new door. It turned out pretty good, though, like me, it's not perfect. You have to lift up on the handle before you close the door. To lock the door you have to wedge a piece of shim into the latch side, jimmy that over until it touches the lock, than lift the door up a quarter inch and wiggle it until it latches. To open the door you have to go out the front door walk around the house and hold the door steady. Meanwhile have somebody pop out the hinge pins and gently remove the door. Not a big deal.

Old Door from inside.

Rough opening.

Old door from outside.

New Door from outside.

New door and a big mess.

As you can see the brand new door looks great. I still have to finish the trim work and tweak the dead bolt a little, but other than those two tasks I am done.

Now Pixie, G-man and I can feel safe knowing that a crooked door is protecting us from the bad guys.

"Five foot two"

2008-04-12T11:15:00.000-04:00

I think I have figured out how to put my sound files on Blogger. I recorded this song using a soprano ukelele and my iMac microphone. I mixed the song in Garage Band where I added just a few effects to get the "singing in a can effect". From there I had Pixie help me make a slide show and convert it to a movie with my song added, then uploaded that into Blogger. It's not perfect but it's a start. The song is called "Five foot two" and was written by Ray Henderson, Sam lewis and Joe Young. Enjoy!

"What is the ugliest part of your body?"

2008-04-01T20:49:00.004-04:00

"What is the ugliest part of your body?
What is the ugliest part of your body?
Some say it's your nose, some say it's your toes
I think it's your mind." FZ

I think the ugliest part of my body is my feet. Followed closely by my knees and my teeth.

I made a pencil sketch of how I appear when I look in a mirror.

Not pretty is it?

What is the ugliest part of your body?

I bet it's your mind.

"NA na na na na na, you say it's your birthday."

2008-03-24T06:32:00.003-04:00

Today is my son's first birthday. I cannot believe that he is one year old today. Just yesterday Pixie and I were pacing around the house waiting for the hospital to call and let us know we could come in and start the process. I don't think I ever smoked so much or slept so little. Just yesterday I was pacing the hospital floor drinking coffee, reassuring Pixie, massaging, talking, doing whatever I could for her, and trying not to fall asleep on my feet as Pixie rocked through nineteen plus hours of labor before she finally agreed on taking the epidural and having labor induced (you stubborn little shit G-man). Just yesterday I saw my wife laying on the operating table splayed open like a fish and twitching uncontrollably; my son being pulled from the womb; my eyes teary with a love I had never known. Just yesterday we stayed awake all night—too afraid to sleep— holding each other and staring at our beautiful son.
I can't believe it has been a year already. So much has happened in the past 365 days. Far too much to recap all in one post. All I can say is that being a father has changed my life; I am a better man because of you G-man. Thank you.
I could say that I can't wait to watch you grow up, but I can. I don't want you to grow up too fast. I want to be selfish and have you stay my little buddy forever. I know that won't happen, though you'll always be my little buddy. I love you so much. Happy birthday sweetie.

Working class hero

2008-03-17T15:58:00.008-04:00

Today was the first day of my new job. Not exactly what I envisioned it being— no naked women serving free beer— but I think it will be a good thing for me. Coming from my old job, this place is a complete 180.

For starters, everything is accounted for, organized and put in its proper location. We are talking cages for hand tools, cages for chemicals, bays for trucks, sheds for misc. equipment and so on. Sign-in sheets for all equipment. Think of that really anal guy with the peg board in his garage, every tool outlined in white paint....that's this company.
At my old job we just threw whatever tool we were using nearby and tried to remembered where it was for the next time. Our equipment had a bay, but it was every item for itself; things stacked on top of things—chaos.

At my new job there is an electronic time clock. Everyone gets a magnetic card (like a credit card) with your name and employee I.D number on the back. You have to swipe the card through what looks like a credit card machine to clock in and out; precise time stamps down to the minute.
At my old job the time sheet was a piece of paper with a basic grid; the employee had to write their name in one box, the time in and out (rounded to the nearest quarter-hour) went in another box and then total their own hours at the end of the week which went in the final box.

The new company is taking the time to train us on not only proper techniques in what we do, but why it is done that way and the particular effects of both properly and improperly executing that particular service. Time spent on a job is less important than doing the job properly.
At my old job it was: "hurry the f@%$ up so we can get to the next job and make the money."

The new company offers: benefits, 401(k), annual bonus incentives, full uniforms, paid training, continuing education reimbursements, and travel expenses (when applicable).
At my old job, after eight plus years of dedicated employment I finally got a credit card for business expenses. There was also a summer bonus, Christmas bonus and miscellaneous small cash bonuses on certain cash only jobs. I will miss my old company for that reason.

The new company is 3.3 miles from my house. I will spend an average of $4.50 on gasoline (at current prices) traveling to and from work every week.
My old job was 17 miles away. I would spend an average of $23 dollars on gasoline (at current prices) a week going to and from work.

At the new company I am already a crew leader. I don't even know if anyone else works in this division; my name is the only one listed.
At my old job I was one of the only employees besides the owners. We did most jobs together.

These are just a few of the many contrasts between old and new. It's quite a shock for me. I feel like the dumb country mouse going to the big city.
I was telling Pixie that every gripe about poor planning or good idea I ever had about how to improve my last job has floated through time and space and morphed into this well-oiled machine of lawn care and landscape management.

I just have to talk to them about their beer and babe deficiency.

"Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes...."

2008-03-06T16:31:00.007-05:00

Okay, another "stop-gap" post.

I am currently in negotiation with several reputable Lawn and Landscape companies in the Toledo area. One is encouraging me to get all sorts of certification and is willing to pay for said certification and everything that becoming certified entails.

How many times can I use the word certified?

The hours are great, the pay would start at slightly more than I make now, with a pay raise dolled out via salary ( I haven't worked hourly in so long that this is a huge plus for me), benefits, and 401(k) after my ninety day probation period. The company is literally five minutes away from my house which is a bonus as I could ride my bicycle there (if I had a bicycle). The people are friendly and I get a good vibe from them and the company.

It is not at all what I expected myself to be accepting when I resigned from my other job— I had delusions of grandeur about becoming a working artist—but I can roll with the punches. Besides I can still pursue my creative side in my spare time.

I feel that I will not just be some schlub cutting peoples grass, but really be able to advance and grow with this company. A real professional. And this will do until I can finally record my songs, write my book and make my million.

I just have to stay focused.

Addendum:
I have decided to take the job that I described above. It was really a hard decision choosing between this company and the other. Both made great offers, and both would be excellent companies to work for. I chose the above because it is so close to home and the hours are way better than the 8-6:30 (that is the average time) the other company offered; although I would have been the only person hired in as a foreman and the only other person besides management with a salary. My new job starts on Monday at 7:15 a.m. WOHOOOOOOOO!

"Helen, hell on wheels...."

2008-02-27T21:17:00.001-05:00

I still am on hiatus but I don't want people to forget of my existence, so located at the bottom of this post is a rather interesting short story I started sometime ago. I had completely forgotten about this and perhaps for good reason. As you can tell it was more of an electronic scribble than anything, and who knows if I will ever flesh it out and finish the story. Make of it what you will.

Oh, in other news I have finished the Harry Potter series a few weeks ago. It was one of the best stories I have ever read! I also finished my fourth book "Animal Farm". I had read this before but it was a long time ago. All I have to say is poor Boxer.

I don't know what my fifth book will be. I was thinking "1984", but I have plenty of other options. Maybe I will read something a little lighter and then jump back into the Totalitarianism theme at a later date.

I have many ideas for posts but am swamped in the mire of life right now. One of them is a synopsis of "Animal Farm" using G-man's bath toys (they are farm animals). I will eventually get around to that. Until then enjoy the short story scribble.

“Artesanal
Provolone
Cheese
Spaghetti
Meatballs”

Hero:
Lengshaftian Meathlemet

Elf:
Lebian Marjriam

Heriione:
Nipplio Poccottous

Antagonist:
Roy Hemerald; a.k.a Goyatuar: a.k.a ?

Once upon a time there was a boy named Goyatuar. Across the stream and up the bank, among the Apple trees lived his friend Lengshaftian.
They were best friends. All day long they would throw rocks into the windows of the local Bait shop. At first they were scared that they would get caught, but they persisted.
One day Lengshaftian was on his way to Goyatuar’s house when he ran into a worm. The worm’s name was Roger.
Roger was a worm and he lived underground. But that was another story. Anyway, Roger told Lengshaftian all about the rumblings he felt in the forest. Lengshaftian laughed at Toader.
Yeah, Lengshaftian called Roger “Toader”. It was an inside joke…don’t worry about.
Toaders…err, I mean, Roger spat on the ground. His bottom half clenched into a tight ball, which jerked above his eyes and swung at Lengshaftian, who in turn, leaned away from the tiny thrust.
“Ha ha ha ha ha ah ah haha ha h ah ah ah h hh a h ah h” Roger laughed.
“Your insane.” Laughed Lengshaftian.
“’Hellene, hell on wheels. Ain’t nobody gonna know the table weaves.’” Sang longhsftian. These were, of course, the wrong words.

"Why can't we be friends?"

2008-02-24T20:33:00.006-05:00

I'll be back soon. In the meantime enjoy these pictures of G-man attacking me and my...ahem...daring escape.

This is what happens when good kids go bad.

He is serious now....

...about to attack. This is when my fight instinct kicks in....

....and I scream like a little girl to confuse him. I think it worked.

I have successfully diffused the situation.

I live to see another day.

"I've been down so goddamn long that it looks like up to me."

2008-02-17T11:42:00.005-05:00

Not a lot of exciting news to report on this end. I finished the Harry Potter series last Saturday and am currently half-way through "Animal Farm". I should have finished the book already, but I don't feel like reading right now. In fact, I don't feel like doing much of anything.

The job search is not going so good. Either I am under-qualified, or lacking the experience, or unwilling to take the job. I got an offer from a distant family member to work in a metal plating facility. It's not what I want to do with my life. The money is equal to what I am making right now (peanuts) but the job is highly unfavorable. I would run an automated line that dips various metal objects in a series of giant vats of cleaning solutions and finally in liquid aluminum, Teflon, or whatever else. Among the chemicals used in the process are cyanide and other lethal agents. The factory stunk and was loud. Yeah, no thanks.

I have found one job to apply to since then; that was over a week and a half ago and I still haven't heard from them, which is a little odd because I have plenty of experience and seem to be an ideal candidate for the job. Oh well.

It's impossible to do what I really want and make money at it. Playing music and writing actually involves doing these things and marketing my skills. One, when I do find a few minutes to actually achieve any writing or recording I am too depressed to write or play. It's hard for me to make the time because I feel that if I don't spend every waking minute with G-man I am being a neglectful father or that I am sticking the burden of raising him solely on Pixie. Two, I am not, nor have I ever been, the kind of person to market myself, which is kind of important in achieving the things I want to do. I am not anti-social but I have zero confidence and almost no self-esteem, so who would want to listen to or read my crap?

So I can't do what I want — which depresses me — and I have to work I job I don't care for (more like can't stand) anymore to pay the bills— which compounds the depression.

I am not having a good time and am finding myself struggling to not become depressed and drink and smoke heavily. I am becoming increasingly irritable which makes me feel like shit because I lash out at people who don't deserve to be treated poorly.

Meanwhile it seems that everyone around me is doing great; getting promotions, raises, bonuses, so on and so forth. I am happy for them but am asking "When is it going to be my turn to have something good (financially or job-related) happen?" I know I am blessed with a great son and wonderful wife, but why can't I find a good job doing something that I love? 'When lord, when's gonna be my time?'

Fuck. I feel so flustered, I don't even know what to complain about. Enough of my whining though, who wants to read that shit? I certainly don't want to write it, but I have to have some outlet, right?

The last thing I want is a bunch of people telling me to stay positive and all that jazz. I don't want your sympathy. How about finding me a job.

Did I mention G-man took a small unassisted step the other day? He is amazing! I have mixed emotions about this event. On one hand I think it's great that he will be walking soon. It's so exciting to watch him grow; discovering his surroundings and new abilities everyday. On the other hand I am not ready for him to grow up, nor is the house completely child-proof. Time to go the the hardware store, get some deer fencing and build him a cage.

"Love, Love, Love...."

2008-02-14T15:57:00.002-05:00

Happy February 14th!

From JQ, Pixie and G-man

"Gimme a head with hair, long beautiful hair..."

2008-02-11T09:40:00.000-05:00

Anybody recognize this person?

Give up?

I found this in a box of memorabilia yesterday when Pixie and I were cleaning the basement.

The year was 1996 and I was seventeen.

This is the picture for my registration/identification card for my senior year in High school. I woke up late that day and rushed to the school to get my class schedule, locker assignment, and my picture taken.

Aren't I handsome? I look like an extra from the Lucas County Correctional Facility's production of "Hair". Ah, to be young and free again. Free of a worries, free of responsibility, free of a good barber.

Believe it or not, I had my head shaved up to the top so that if you were to somehow manage to get my mop to stand up straight I would have had an awesome mohawk.

I have very thick, unruly hair and it took a lot of work to get my hair that long and not become an afro. Have you ever seen a skinny white kid with an afro? Yeah, not pretty.

I sometimes pine to grow my hair long again. Then I think of how awkward and goofy I looked in the process of growing my hair long and that desire is squelched.

So these days I sport a very tight haircut. If it starts to get to fuzzy, Pixie tells me I look like a Q-tip.

What did you look like in high school? Are you willing to share your senior picture? Does a nerdy ghost of past haunt you as well?

"Dance your cares away, work is for another day...."

2008-02-06T13:27:00.000-05:00

"....let the Fraggles play, down at Fraggle Rock."

Don't worry it will be in your head all day now.

We went to the library on Monday to check out Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the final installment of the series. I finished book six on Sunday and am 300 pages into the seventh already. It seems a little fast, but the books are an easy read and hard to put down.

So this will be the third book out of ten for the year. At this rate I will be done with all ten by the end of April. Maybe I should expand the perimeters of said goal to a hefty twenty books. On the other hand ten will be easy to accomplish and boost my self-esteem. Anything over ten will be gravy....mmmm, gravy.

Anyway, I walked past the library's collection of children DVDs, instantly spotting the complete first season of Fraggle Rock.

I LOVE FRAGGLE ROCK!

I used to watch the show all the time when I was younger (like in my early twenties). Gobo, Red, Wembley, Boober, the Doozers, Doc and Sprocket...They were all my friends....my only friends (sniffle).

We popped in the DVD as soon as we got home. G-man loved the Fraggles too! We have so much in common. Whats not to love I say? They are Muppets, they dance and sing goofy songs, and each episode has a positive moral, or social message. Remember when TV used to be like that?

So we are making our way through the 24 episodes of the complete first season. Each song they sing fills my heart with joy. Each post card from Uncle Traveling Matt that Gobo retrieves from "outer space" takes me back to my youth. It really is a great show and I am glad that G-man is able to experience the magic that is Fraggle Rock.

Does anybody else remember Fraggle Rock? If so, which Fraggle do you most relate to, and why? I expect at least one paragraph with specific examples from episodes that back up your choice. Don't forget to cite your sources.

"The baddest man in the whole damn town...."

2008-01-29T21:15:00.000-05:00

What, you think you are tougher than me? Well, how many five year olds can you stomp at once?

28

Yeah, I'm a badass!

Okay, there is something weird with the above link. To see how many quinquennial punks you could wipe out click here.

"Butterfly in the sky, I can fly twice as high...."

2008-01-29T20:52:00.000-05:00

I finished reading my first two books last week; Friday, I believe. Well, I say two books but it really only counted as one book.

The George Harrison Biography, I Me Mine, was different than I imagined. The beginning of the book was a brief biography written by Derek Taylor, smatterings of George’s words mixed-up in between. It was an interesting approach, but I felt somewhat jipped that George did not write the whole thing. George must have been too busy taking drugs, racing cars and playing music to write his own autobiography.

I can honestly say that I would have hired someone to write my book as well. But that is only because I am lazy, not because I have too many activities that demand my attention.

The whole Biography was only about two hundred pages or so long. I was reminded of Gonzo journalism. Taylor’s colloquialisms and writing style was very seventies-ish, and slightly verbose. Though in the end, I felt I had a better insight into the man who was the Dark horse.

The second half of the book was George’s song lyrics. Since this book was published in 1978 there were a lot of great songs he had not even recorded yet. The many songs that were in the book were accompanied by small quips, quotes, remembrances and reasons why he wrote those songs. That was very, dare I say, enlightening and entertaining.

I recommend I, Me, Mine to any Beatles fan, or George Harrison-a-holic (like myself) who pines for the inner knowledge of their favorite pop icons.

My second read was the fifth installment of the Harry Potter series: Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix. This was an outstanding read! Rowling has really honed her craft in this book. Her story arc, character development, character relations, intricate plot line, word usage, point of view, voice and attitude, etc.....I mean everything, was just great!

I have to admit, I was a bit hesitant when I first started reading Harry Potter and the Sorcery’s Stone. The book was written for children and, well, read like it was written for children. I was not very impressed. Don’t get me wrong, the story itself was brilliant, but the way she crafted her story was asi-asi.

Each book has gotten progressively better, with number five being the best so far. She has ascended her story into the throws of semi-serious literature with Order of the Phoenix.
I am going to save my plot synopsis because I have to be the last person on earth to have read this series. You all know what happens. However, for all you Hardcore Harry fans, I will entertain any further discussion in my comments or via e-mail.

That being said, my second of ten books is going to be—drum roll please— Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I am going to count this as one whole book, seeing as how the line between children's literature and adult literature has been crossed as definitely as Grawp is tall.

In all honesty, I have already started the book and am two hundred odd pages into the story. Pixie and I are reading this one together, so I have to wait until she gets home tonight to read any more. Hurry honey, hurry!

"But all I got is this photograph...."

2008-01-25T00:48:00.001-05:00

Alright boys and girls, it is the moment most of you have probably forgotten about. I am going to announce the winning photograph.

But first I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to all of you who stopped by, either of your own free will or because Pixie cajoled you into coming here. It really means a lot to me that so many strangers know what a goofy dip shit I can be. Really, I mean that from the bottom of my feet. Not only am I walking away from this with a new avatar, but I am gaining several new friends (to me a friend is any one who doesn't deny my existence after discovering that I do, in fact, exist). I would like to thank Lynda, Fig, Silicone Alley, Cruel Shoes, Vegas Princess, Shades and NayNayfazz for making the trek to my little pond and chiming in with their ballots. Of course I would also like to thank all my regulars, the non-bloggers, and the lurkers (you know who you are) for their votes.

And last but not least my beautiful wife Pixie. Without her relentless badgering of those poor innocent bloggers I would not have shattered my all-time comment record, or had as much fun doing this little election.

Okay, on with the results.

Picture #1 only got a few measly votes. Some people liked it, but didn't vote for the "Nose" shot. That is a shame because I really think my nose has a certain olfactory charm that you just don't find in non-nose body parts.

Picture #2, although warming the genitalia of most of the female bloggers (sorry honey, it's Gods gift to me) and a few of the blokes out there, failed to find the winners seat, so I canned it.

So, if you haven't guessed by now, the big winner is Picture #3— the swimming cap photo. The people have spoken and they say nothing exemplifies JQ like a frilly, rubbery, flower cap so tightly fitted around my unusually large cranium that my face looks like a toy sea cucumber being squeezed to death.

To be fair though it really isn't mine, I swear! It's his!

Thanks again for playing along. My usual mind numbing word vomit will resume tomorrow.

"Oh I'm picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you...."

2008-01-19T19:34:00.001-05:00

Maybe you can help me pick a new avatar. Maybe I'll take your considerations to heart. I might even agree with someone and choose the one they like over the popular vote.

I will most likely do whatever I want.

I, being the tireless taker of goofy self-potraits, feel the need to change my avatar often. None of the pictures I have had so far really capture my personality(ies) in just the right way. So this time I will show you three pictures and allow you to choose the new face of JQ. That's right, the picture which receives the most votes will become the new visage of the same, tired old rhetoric. Exciting huh?

Don't get too giddy, I will most likely change it soon.

So brush up on your voting skills—this is an election you have to think about.

Picture #1

I thought this picture would show my ability to sniff out excellent ideas and relate them in a humorous, yet enlightening way to my readers.

Picture #2

I choose this picture because it's my good side. Plus, people tell me what a huge ass I am all the time.

Picture #3

This is my swimming cap. What?

Addendum:

There are only a few voting days left. Tell your friends and neighbors. Call your Great Aunt Macy, write your local inmate, spread the word to have everyone cast their ballot. The new picture will appear Friday afternoon at precisely 12 p.m.—or whenever I get around to posting the results. Until then, enjoy yourselves, but don't forget the tissues.

"You'll have to have them all pulled out ...."

2008-01-16T19:33:00.001-05:00

I woke up this morning with an aching tooth. This pain has been going on since before Christmas. Well, if you want to be fair about it, it has been going on for a long time, it just came to a head this morning.

I awoke with a headache and my tooth was killing me. I don't like to complain and I like to think I have a slightly above average tolerance for pain, but one thing I don't like is mouth pain. It might have something to do with the fact that when I was a kid I was climbing the walls in the bathroom at the county's rec center when I slipped and fell right on my face. Many stitches and liquefied foods later I healed, but I still remember that day like it was almost twenty years ago.

Anyway, I had had enough of the pain this morning and decided to call the dentist. Luckily he had an availability in the late morning.

I arrived at the office, and explained to him my discomfort. He had his assistant x-ray my mouth and several minutes later we were discussing what the problem might be. He thought it could be the deep cavity I had filled several years ago. I explained that the pain shoots up into my jaw and that I even feel discomfort in my tongue. I told him that there was no sensitivity to hot or cold, just an ache. He asked me exactly what tooth hurt and I told him the very last one on the top right. My wisdom tooth.

I have never had them removed and they are a constant source of pain and discomfort for me. I told him to go ahead and pull it.

He gave me some novocaine and proceeded to push the tooth around to loosen the root. The way you can feel the pressure but not the pain is an unsettling experience in my opinion. It felt like a cloth being torn apart. It was quite an odd feeling, but I am glad it wasn't painful. Which reminded me of the last time I visited his office and requested no novocaine for a cavity. Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking.

Everything went fine. It only took a few minutes from the time I was numb to the time I requested to see my tooth. Not what you would expect to see as a root. It looked more like a pyramid, or an ice cream cone.

I have had a piece of gauze in my mouth since this morning. Every time I think the clot has formed I take out the gauze and within minutes I can feel and taste the blood. I thought I was good after I put G-man to bed, but when I went to take the gauze out there was a large clot on the gauze (which was soaked with blood). I have had a bowl of oatmeal and a few glasses of water today. I am effing starving, but I am afraid to eat anything as it might disrupt the clot.

I hope this wisdom tooth was the problem. If not I am going to be upset. Especially since I have no insurance and my Dentist just remodeled his office.

On the bright side I got rid of some iron and I haven't had a cigarette all day. Though I am seriously considering it.

"Now they're frightened of leaving it...."

2008-01-14T15:13:00.000-05:00

Pixie and I are both going to read ten books this year. My first book of the year is actually going to be two books. I am going to stick with the Harry Potter series until I finish that. I am on book number five; Harry potter and the Order of the Phoenix. At the same time I am reading I, me, mine the George Harrison biography. I figured that having a juvenile fiction book counter-balanced by a biography of a rock star would count as one good read. What do you think?

After I finish the Harry Potter series I was thinking of picking up an Ayn Rand novel as per a discussion on Pixies blog. Either Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged. I don't know though, that requires a lot of time looking up all those big words. Words like shrugged and atlas.

I have been a sloth lately. I just wrote 'I have been a slot lately' before correcting myself. Well, maybe. I have felt a tad clammy. Nine weeks until I don't have a job anymore. The job I have had for almost a decade now. I have no idea what is out there for me, but I know I can't go back. I am burnt out and honestly don't want to do that anymore. I have plenty of ideas about what I want to do but no good ideas on how to not do anything and still make money. Any ideas?

Something will come along. I just have to be confident and apply myself.

Well, back to the book.

Nothing from Nothing

2008-01-05T10:56:00.000-05:00

I was finally tagged by someone. Well it wasn't someone it was Nobody. I squawked like a little girl because I have always wanted to be tagged. So here you are people of the blog-o-sphere, seven inane facts about yours truly.

1.When I was younger I used to stick tweezers into the electrical outlets at my parents house. I swear I melted a few of them without so much as a burnt finger. That might help in explaining my odd behavior.

2. Sometimes at night I like to fart and then pull the covers over my head.

3. I almost cut my finger off changing a lawn mower blade at work. About a year later I hit the same finger with a sledgehammer and had to have plastic surgery to reattach the tendon. I postponed the operation for four days so Pixie and I could go see Tom Petty in concert. After the concert we went to Drummond Island for vacation. I never took the pain killers save for recreation.

4. I own one six string guitar, one twelve string guitar, one baritone ukulele, one soprano ukulele, one bass, three electric guitars, one violin, two mouth harps, one washboard, one set of drums, one keyboard and a four track.

5. All my post titles are either song titles or snippets of lyrics from songs.

6. I had a pet cat from the time I was twelve until two years ago. He was oddly intelligent. I swear he was an alien sent to observe humans.

7. I am twenty-nine years old and still sing Space Ghost songs to my wife. She sings along.

I will not be tagging anybody else because Nobody and I pretty much read the same seven people and he already tagged them. Fucker.

My little Child

2008-01-02T21:35:00.001-05:00

I love my son.

"It's getting better all the time..."

2008-01-02T15:15:00.000-05:00

So the new year is upon us, have you resolved to ameliorate your physical, mental, financial, spiritual, or emotional being in an effort to transform into that vibrant enlightened human you have always dreamed of becoming? Or, are you like me: too stupid and lazy to accept any challenge to overcome personal foibles?

I can clamber atop my high-horse and spew about how I am going to: read ten books this year (what a husband and wife can't share new years goals?), pursue my dream of playing music professionally (and by professionally I mean I am going to try and get at least one gig this year or sell one of my songs to a famous artist for thousands of dollars—easy enough huh?), be more patient and understanding, and write more—perhaps finish some of my ideas for a change. Or I can bore you all to tears about how wonderful our first Christmas with the G-man was, but I will leave that story up to Pixie.

Instead I am going to direct your attention to the brand new guitar I purchased over the Holidays. I am quite pleased with it's performance, but am most happy with the small amount of money I spent on it. The story of how the guitar came to be in my possession is long and full of anti-climaxes, protagonists, antagonists, a midget named Harry and fourteen pounds of potato salad. But I will spare you the details and just say that I won't be buying instruments at Guitar Center in the future.

Sorry to disappoint you Jacob, but I did not buy a Breedlove. I purchased a smooth playing, folk-style guitar manufactured by a company named Godin. One of their many fine products, the Art and Lutherie guitar, has reminded me how much I miss playing my six-string acoustic. The price of said guitar has reminded me of how much of a cheap ass I am. It was a win-win buying this axe. Not only did I spend way less than I was going to spend, but I got a better sounding guitar. Hey, and it's pretty to boot.

So while most people have resolved to buy expensive Gym memberships that will undoubtedly fall by the wayside February first, I am going to crack a beer and work on becoming a literate rock star with a lot of patience.

Oh yeah I hope everybody had a great Holiday with their family and friends. I know we did.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T08:40:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!!!

Just another day

2007-12-20T12:26:00.000-05:00

So my berfday was good. I ate some steak, got a few presents, and played with G-man. All in all it was a good day, though it was definitely the dawning of a new era. I guess I have felt it the past few berfdays, but it really hit home this year. I am getting old, and the anniversary of my joining this world just doesn't seem so, well...grandiose anymore.

I used to love waking up in the morning on my berfday. I would jump out of bed and bounce, no frolic—yeah I like that— everywhere, all day. The gifts, the attention, I always held that one day close to my heart. The one special day where I was king. I felt untouchable, like I really was somebody important. The past few years this special feeling has wanned. This year that declining trend continued. I'm not complaining (too much), but it just felt like any other day. G-man was the focus of my attention ( I wouldn't have it any other way), among various other boring responsibilities, like waiting for the window guys to show up and finish their job and trying to avoid the mountain of laundry looming in the basement. The bottom line is I just couldn't get into my berfday suit, so to speak.

I don't even want to think about next year. I will turn thirty. I don't feel ready to be thirty. I still feel young. People over thirty can't be trusted. Take my wife...please. Where's my violin.

Anyway, I hate to complain so enough of that whiny foo-fa-rah.

I was thinking of buying myself a nice acoustic guitar for my berfday. I don't want to spend too much money, but I think I can allot a small bit for a new guitar. I gave my old acoustic to my father. He fiddles around (yes, you can fiddle on a guitar) and doesn't have a good guitar of his own. He is constantly borrowing mine so I finally decided to make the old bastard happy. Besides I will get it back when he dies.

Jesus, did I just say that? What kind of son am I?

It made him happy, and I like seeing my folks happy so what the hell, it's only a guitar.

I would love to get a Gibson, but those are a little out of my price range. I could trade in one of my electrics and sell some blood, a kidney, some sperm, my soul and take out a small loan to cover the rest.

Maybe a Taylor will do instead. Then again a Fender is more in my price range. Plus, I have to have a case to house the guitar. That is another hundred dollars. Who knows, I might not even buy one at all. There are bills to pay and diapers to buy.

What a conundrum.

You say it's your birthday...

2007-12-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

Root Rock Reggae

2007-12-12T14:23:00.000-05:00

This was an exciting week. We got new windows, I met a local radio personality, our sewer backed up (see Pixie, I told you it wasn't me), I taught G-man how to high-five, and I made it to the last island on Sims 2: Castaway.

Monday we had all but one of our new windows installed. The large picture window in the living room had a defect or something, so they are waiting for a new one from the factory. I was excited to have the new windows installed but there were a few minor problems and a major one involving a marble sill. They smashed it as they were trying to take out the old window. They replaced it with some kind of polymer-resin sill, that they cut a half-inch to short. We are going to have them replace the new sill with one that actually fits without causing air leaks. Hopefully it will be marble. The installers are going to come back on the Eighteenth (my berfday) to finish the job.

As the windows were being installed, a local radio celebrity knocked at the front door inquiring about the company who was installing our windows. I invited him inside and showed him how they did it and recommended the company to him. He stopped back by this morning and told me that I should receive a fifty dollar gift certificate from the window company for referring him. So I got that going for me. Oh yeah the local radio personality's name is Fred LeFebvre on news talk 1370 WSPD.

For the past two weeks we have had a foul odor in the basement. Pixie pointed it out to me, to which I promptly replied the odor only seemed to appear when she was present. After I woke up with a pounding headache and a lump that looked a lot like her wedding band I investigated. The smell was coming from the utility sink. I removed the covering and saw that there was standing water at the base of the trap. I went to our local hardware store, bought a cheap snake and proceeded to cover myself in foul water whilst trying to unclog the drain. I knew, after a half an hour, that it was a job for a plumber. I just hoped it would not be too expensive. I called a plumber that one of Pixie's students recommended, but he said he couldn't make it out to look at it until next week. I thanked him and called a company named Able Master Sewer. The owner, Fred (not LeFebvre), and I discussed the problem and he told me he had a busy schedule but he could make it over between four and six. I hired him. At four fifty, he called a and said he had a quick job and then he was coming over. He recognized the problem and within an hour he was done. We had roots in our line. A lot of roots in our line. He suggested we clean out the sewer line every two years and then got back in his magic sewer van and flew off to the next job. The guy was great, I would highly recommend him to any of my Toledo readers. I now have a bag of roots in my garage and a pungent odor remaining in my basement. Apparently he might have to come back and flush out our system because the back up was there for a long time (more than two weeks) we just never noticed it before. Our house has a combo system. We don't have a sump pump, it is more like a big loop underneath the house that allows the water from the yard and sewer to go to the main city pipes. Old and outdated, yet I'll never have to replace it, it works beautifully when not clogged.

I showed G-man how to high-five last week. I only showed him how to do it a few times, now I can stick my hand out and say "Give me five." and he does. I swear the kid is a genius. I love my boy. Now if I could just teach him to make money so I can retire.

I made it to the last island on Sims 2 : Castaway. It took me almost two hours Sunday night to get there. Unfortunately the game had a glitch that wouldn't allow me to save. Oh well. I'll try again tonight, maybe.

Does any body really care about time?

2007-12-05T20:13:00.000-05:00

As I promised two of my most avid readers, I am going to talk to you all today about Neo-Capitalism and The Great Potato Famine of Ireland, not to be confused with the Great Potato Fems of Northern Yorkshire or the Grand Potato Heads of Tuberville.

I have very little time to post tonight because...well, because I want to go down to the basement, drink a beer and play my 12-string guitar (which I just got back today, thanks for asking Walt). So, I will keep this brief. After all, brevity is next to breviary (a book of prayers, or psalms, i.e. next to Godliness) and brew ( that worked out nicely) in the Merriam-Webster Pocket Dictionary, which I have read and re-read for tymes know. Okay the end of that last sentence was a joke, albeit a bad one.

So, here we go; an extremely brief look at Neo-Capitalism and the Great Potato Famine of Ireland.

Neo-Capitalism was founded by a large, rugged transvestite named Ralphina in the year of our lord seventeen seventy six. He was fed up with humping piles of shit around for the King and thought that privatizing the humping of said shit would stimulate shit production.

Okay this is when Graham Chapman would come in dressed as a General of the British Royal Army and shut down my blog for being entirely too silly. I can't say I would argue with him. This has got to be one of the worst ideas I have ever had (and oh boy is there a lot of them). I mean really, who wants to read about some boring shit like privatization of government, giving almost complete control back to the people allowing us the chance to finally live a decent, free life?

On second thought I think Von Hayek had a good idea.

Okay, on to the Po-ta-toes, dar-de-dar-de-dar.

The famine was caused by Phytophthora infestans or as us simple folk like to call it, Potato Blight. This caused copious potato crops (the main source of food in Ireland thanks to Britain's fondness for beef— side note this is how the Gin got the name Beefeater) to rot and become worthless— a lot like what happens to people who attend Ohio state. Anyway, the failed crop just exacerbated the problems, both politically and financially, of an already struggling Ireland causing them to lose a large portion of their population. This event is also referred to as the Great Hunger.

Okay, I think I fulfilled my obligations to my curious readers. That is to say that my readers are inquisitive, not necessarily odd, although Pixie is a tad weird. Now that I think of it, so is Mel.

I hope you have all learned something new today. I know I have. I learned that a rushed post, when all I can think about is 12-string guitars and beer, doesn't usually turn out so good.

Oh well.

Smooth Nut

2007-12-02T20:32:00.001-05:00

Last week I broke a nut...I'm going to give everyone a chance to make some funny comment in there head here.

The nut was on the head stock of my twelve string guitar. It happened while I was changing the strings. It was just old and frail. The lower octave A got stuck and when I pulled on it the nut snapped. So I immediately went to the music shop and inquired the resident Luthier about fixing my Fender. He said it would be approximately a fortnight until the guitar was ready. I scoffed and demanded he sell me the necessary parts to properly fix it. He did. I left.

Twenty minutes later I returned, believing the parts person to have improperly filled my order. The nut was slightly too long and too high. I was told— which confirmed my suspicions—that the nut had to be shaved. He recommended a gentle abrasion tool such as a nail file or light sand paper. When I returned home I plugged in my variable speed, limited edition, Fifty Year Anniversary Dremel, loaded up a sand paper bit and went to town. Finally, I got what I thought was close to the original shape of the nut. I re-strung the guitar, cleaned the head, applied a judicious amount of white glue in the inlay and jammed the nut home.

I tuned the guitar and started to play a C7 and noticed that something wasn't right. The action was way too high and my A and B strings were registering in tune but playing sharp on the first fret. I inspected the old nut and determined that I had not taken enough height off the new nut. I then had to loosen every string, gently tap the nut out of its inlay and proceed to sand it down some more. This time I decided to use the metal grinding bit. This bit chewed through the plastic, making short work of the job. I smoothed it off on some sand paper and again went through all the motions of tuning. This time the action was better but not great. The A string was a registering 15 cents sharp at the first fret and the B string near thirty. I tightened the truss rod a quarter turn and let it rest over night.

The next day things were the same. I made more truss rod adjustments but nothing changed. Two days ago I put the Dremel to work again. I loosened and moved the A and B strings aside and carefully sanded down the saddle in the nut so the string would be lower, ergo flatting the string at the first fret. It worked a little. At this point I got scared and decided to not mess up this guitar. I took it back to the music shop and hired them to perform the job I tried to do myself. I got very close, but there are many factors involved in properly achieving near perfect pitch.

I tried to save time and money and ended up spending more of both. On the bright side I don't think that they will have to remove and replace the nut I just put on. But they will have to adjust it, and the truss rod, and possibly put new strings on as well.

Awesome.

Hello? How are you? Have you been alright, through all those lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely nights?

2007-11-27T20:14:00.000-05:00

I really have nothing to post about, I just feel like I should have something new on my site so that the few readers I have don't forget about me.

Has anyone noticed my new Avatar? Thanks Pixie, for hooking me up. For so long I have had to alter my photographs by superimposing a human head onto my shoulders for fear that people would reject me for having a monkey cranium. No more will I hide in fear of my grotesquely misshapen noggin'. I am beautiful, James Blunt even said so.

In other news, my son likes to click his tongue like a diabetic squirrel hopped up on cough medicine. It really is quite amusing.

I have no idea what the preceding statement is supposed to mean, it sounded funny in my head.

Uhhmmm, can anybody think of something I should post about? Send me your suggestions and I will process them the next time I feel like it. Until then, have a holly jolly mid-week.

Oh by the way, check out this awesome website I found, you are going to love it!

Turkeys hiding in trees

2007-11-21T09:31:00.000-05:00

Little known fact: I can speak turkey. Well really it is a form of Jive Turkey.

Gobblizzo my Nizzo.

Alright I can't really speak turkey. But I do like to eat turkey. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I am excited. It is my first Thanksgiving as a father. From now on, I am the one who carves the turkey. Unfortunately we are having a Turkey Tenderloin. I didn't know they had tenderloins. Maybe if I spoke their language they could have told me. All the same, I'm going to carve it as if it were a real bird. Mmmm, turkey.

I love food, especially at Thanksgiving. I think my favorite thanksgiving food is pumpkin pie, with lots of whipped cream on top. It's amazing that I am not three hundred pounds. I bet Pixie would love that.

Boy, I am kinda rambling here. I was going to talk about the Native Americans, the pilgrims and the genocide of an entire nation, but I didn't want to offend any Christians out there.

Instead let's talk turkey facts.

Turkeys are not from Turkey as one might suspect. The modern "American" turkey that we all love and enjoy the fourth Thursday of every November is actually from northern Mexico.
Make sure your turkey has a green card.

Turkeys are practical jokers by nature. Their favorite trick is to sneak up on unsuspecting victims and slice their Achilles tendon. Not funny turkeys. Not funny.

I once had a pet turkey, his name was Gravy. I couldn't bear to eat him so I begged Mr. Lincoln to pardon him and then put him in the Turkey Protection Program. That is the true story behind the Presidential Pardoning of Turkey's.

Turkeys love to sleep around. Male Turkeys are called "Toms" or "Pimps". Female Turkeys are called "Hens", "Bitches", or sometimes "Ho's".

Turkeys can and do have heart attacks. Farmers would be wise to feed them cheerios to help lower their cholesterol.

It only takes fifteen months for a turkey to be considered mature. I'm 28 years old and still waiting.

For more fun turkey facts visit the Turkey Zealots of North America, or "Gobblers" as they like to be referred to.

I hope everyone has a great day of Thanks. I would like to end this blog transmission by saying what I am thankful for. I am thankful for my family, boobs, spatulas, origami, guitars, cheese (even the processed kind TF), Industrialization in the eighteenth century, florescent light bulbs, Macintosh computers, Sandra Boynton books, toenail clippers, outer space, inner light, toilet paper, music, the color blue and the letter H.

Gobble-dee-goo.

Over.

Another cheesy post

2007-11-18T15:02:00.000-05:00

As any one who knows Pixie and I will tell you, she is the culinary expert of our dynamic duo. She has made over 2,500 meals in our eight years together, all of them good. Well all except one, and that wasn't her fault. That Chicken doesn't count because after she had cooked it we discovered a large tumor-like growth inside. It was gross enough send us to Taco Bell for dinner. That was Krogers fault. We have since forgiven them, since they have the best deals on food in town...and they are only three minutes from our house.

Anyway my point is that I can easily make mindless foods like toast, toast with butter, toast with butter and apple butter (one of my favorite dishes), cold cereal, and instant mashed potatoes. There are very few actual dishes that I have perfected to the point of being edible. One of them is my famous grilled cheese sandwiches.

Over the years I have refined this seemingly unassuming sandwich that at first thought seems so, so bland, but once sampled engorges the taste buds with a euphoric medley of vegetable oil based spreads known as bargain cheeses. My combination of opposing cheese textures, scientifically tested butter to bread ratio, total cook time, and bread selection make this grilled cheese the ultimate in palatable pasteurized pleasure.
And today is your lucky day. I will open the vault within my steely mind and share my secret recipe with you. You can thank me later.

Step 1: Get a loaf of whole grain bread.

Step 1a: Get four pieces of bread out of the bag.

Helpful hint: Extricate the twisty tie to remove the slices of bread. It saves a lot of time in finding a new bag to put the bread in after you have destroyed the original.

Step 2:
Gather your cheeses. My recipe calls for at least three basic kinds of cheese. You may use more then three, but never less. These three basic quasi-cheeses must appear in order to claim this as an authentic JQ grilled cheese sandwich. Those quasi-cheeses are as follows:

Cream Cheese

Sharp Cheddar

American Cheese

They don't have to necessarily be Kroger brand either but I'm looking for endorsements. Also, for some reason the cheaper the product the better the sandwich tastes.

I love the taste of a good deal.

Step 3: Butter the bread and begin the cheesing process. I like to butter two slices and place them, butter-side down, on a non-stick pan. I know there is some controversy over which side of the bread to butter, but I always butter the top. It's just easier.

Step 3a: I use the remaining, unbuttered, slices as a stage for the cheese assembly. American cheese goes first.

Step 3b: Spread the Cream cheese on the American cheese. It is much easier to spread the Cream cheese on the American cheese than on the bread. Trust me.

Step 3c: After the Cream cheese is spread evenly, transfer the cheese assemblage to the bread on the pan. Then add the sharp cheddar. Enough to cover the existing pile of cheesy goodness.

Step 3d: Add a final slice of American cheese. This helps form a cheese pocket when cooked, preventing nasty cheese spillage.

Step 3e: Butter the last piece of bread and apply to the top of the sandwich.

Step 4: Cook over low heat until bread is golden brown on both sides.

Step 5: Plate the sandwich on a paper plate supported by a wicker paper plate basket. This enhances the frugal ambiance established by the cheese selection.

Step 6: Enjoy the tastiest grilled cheese sandwich you have ever made.

I also made some Tabouli several days earlier. The juxtaposing flavors of the sandwich and the salad were exquisite.

Doesn't that look tasty?

So the next time you throw a dinner party you can wow your guests with this amazingly delicious entree. Just make sure you give me credit. I know people who know people who know your friends and they'll tell me. Let's just say I won't be happy and it would be a real shame if you were to find your bread covered in mold.

Hey it happens.

It is too early to think of a title, do it yourself.

2007-11-13T01:25:00.001-05:00

It has been a long week for me. I have been working diligently on my novel, trying to stay up with my 1667 words a day. Unfortunately, I took Thursday off from writing to spend time with my pillow (in a purely platonic way…this time). I took Friday and Saturday off as well. Last count I am over five thousand words behind. The only chance I get to really write is after everyone else goes to bed. Usually by that time I am exhausted. Playing with G-man, baby-sitting Pixie, being lazy, it’s all very hard work and I have just been a little overwhelmed by it all. But I won’t give up. I will catch back up and finish what I started. I just need to find the time and motivation to get moving on this project.
I think the stress of wrapping up the season with my company is starting to get to me as well. I have worked for the same small company for, well, all of my twenties. The job isn’t spectacular and I often feel like I am slowly dying inside and wasting my life working for them, but the pay is steady, so why leave? The really nice thing about this job is the fact that I am a landscaper who makes salary. This means that in the winter I can stay home and still collect my pay. Of course, I have to plow every odd time it snows, including Christmas morning. Anyway, the stress of trying of find a new job is creeping over me, and I am handling this situation like I do all other stressful situations, ignoring it. I should have been looking for a new job for a month now, but instead have decided to start a blog, write a novel and spend money that I really shouldn’t.
The stress doesn’t care what I do it will find it’s way to me. Last week I was getting these dizzy spells. Every time I would stand up too fast, or move my head too quickly from side to side I would lose my balance, my vision would blur and I would have to sit down. I handle physical ailments like I handle stress, by ignoring it. Like the time My Brother and I were getting passport photos taken and I had a lump the size of an Osage orange in my throat from an infection. Yeah, I waited for it to go away. It eventually did. I think my balance problem could have been stress, but was more likely an inner ear infection, or a brain tumor. Either way I feel fine now. Once again my ‘wait and see’ philosophy worked. I have not been to see a doctor since I was eighteen, and I hardly ever get sick. Coincidence? Besides, doesn’t everyone have big lumps their armpits?
I know every thing will work out fine, it always does. Until then, I will continue to freak out.

On a more upbeat note, my son has achieved several milestones this week. First he stood up all on his own, like a big boy. Pixie got to cover this since I took our trip to Maumee Bay, so go check out my son standing over at her Temple. I got so excited when I first saw him do it I think I farted a little. Okay, I fart all the time no big deal. But I still was excited. Now I have to learn to put the crib railing back up so he doesn’t fall out for a fifth time.
Second, he got his first tooth! Look out baby biscuits here we come! We have been expecting this tooth for a long time. We thought he was cutting teeth at four months old. Turns out we were just new parents.
I can’t believe how fast he is growing up. Before you know it I will be taking him to see whatever popular and annoying kid show they have at the local convention center. Disney on ice, or Rent or whatever the kids like now a days. I can’t wait.

Okay, back to the novel.

I've got blisters on me fingers...

2007-11-04T22:23:00.000-05:00

It's Sunday, November 4, 10:24 p.m.

I have approximately 5078 words of my novel done so far.

I only need 2000 more words before I can go to bed.

I should achieve my goal by the time I have to get up and go to work.

The writing is coming easier than I thought.

The story however is not so good.

My question then is, can one polish a turd?

I sure hope so.

What was I thinking?

2007-11-01T01:30:00.000-04:00

Today I start the first of thirty grueling days of typing a novel. That's right I decided to be a participant in the NaNoWriMo. 50,000 words in thirty days? No problem. I just wish I would of thought of something to write about before I started.

50,000 words is only 1667 a day and when you break it down like that it doesn't seem so bad.

I know I can make it. If not, hey at least I tried. I was going to try and do the NaBloPoMo as well but decided that would be insane. Maybe next year. Pixie, however, will be joining the ranks of post-everyday bloggers so be sure to check out her site. I know she will have some interesting topics to discuss.

Also, happy All Saints day! This is the day when you dress up like your favorite saint and go door to door saying "Martyr or Barter". If the person chooses martyr then you have to perform a miracle, then let them stone you to death. If they say barter, well, then pick your favorite item in their living room and begin the timeless tradition of haggling over what you'll trade them for the said item. And remember, if their porch light isn't on don't bother knocking.

This was always my favorite holiday when I was a child. I was always Saint Winnoc, the patron saint of whooping cough. Who's your favorite saint?

Scary Stories Part II: The Final Chapter

2007-10-29T23:25:00.000-04:00

It was early in the morning the second time I saw the Shadow person.

My mother was calling up the stairs for me to get out of bed. I ignored her, shutting my eyes to try and eek out ten more minutes of whatever important dream I was having. I am almost positive I was awake; the light in the hallway was on; I could hear my sister and brother moving around downstairs getting ready for school.

I looked into the doorway and immediately pulled the covers back over my head. This was the most terrified I had ever been. Fear literally paralyzed me. My breathing was arrested. I had a weird pulsating sensation in my body, like my heart was trying to grab my intestines and make a break for it straight out of my chest cavity.

I saw the thing standing in the doorway. It was silhouetted against the hall light. It seemed to be wearing some sort of robe and had pointed ears, a protruding beak, and glowing, beady little red eyes...that were staring right at me.

I couldn't move.

I prayed that it would just go away.

I don't really remember what happened next, or how I got out of my room. I just remember seeing the thing briefly and cowering under the covers.

I didn't think of it at the time but now that I reflect on the situation I think it wanted me to be aware that it knew I saw it. Not just standing in the doorway but in and throughout the house. Sliding cereal bowls and walking around with invisible feet. As if to say: "Hey buddy, yeah I see you. And you see me. Go ahead and tell someone. See if they believe you. I'll still be here when they cart you off to the looney bin." It never did anything except scare the living hell out of me. But that was twenty years ago and is one of the most vivid memories I own. Even if it wasn't malignant, it still scarred me for life.

Those were, as far as I can recollect, the only times I honestly saw ghosts in that old house. Who knows, they might not have been ghost's. More than likely they were figments of my over active imagination. Perhaps a spot of mustard or an old potato.

There were many odd noises that always echoed through the house. Many eerie feelings that someone was watching you when no one was around. Many shadows and objects glimpsed form the corner of my eye, but never any other situation that offered equal veracity as those two times with the shadow man...thing.

The other thing that stands out in my mind about that old house was the endless nightmares. Every night in that house was torture. Almost every dream involved me either getting chased by some unseen force (or miniature version of King Kong-yes that would be a normal sized gorilla) through the house or watching my family become possessed. I tell you it was freaky.

I wish I could go back to that house and tour the inside one more time. Would I see anything or get any weird being watched feelings?

The house Pixie and I reside at now is not haunted, thank God...at least not any more. But that is another story.

Scary Stories Part I

2007-10-27T10:37:00.000-04:00

Since Halloween is this coming Wednesday, I decided to tell some scary stories.

These stories are all true and have all happened to me at some point in my life. I would not fabricate these events. The stories are not filled with blood, guts, or gore. What truly makes them scary is that they were real and I have never forgotten about them.

So, turn on your lights and have the phone handy to call your mommy. Here is part I of JQ's Halloween spectacular.

When I was a kid, we lived in a haunted house. It was built in the 1800's in an area that was the site of many battles involving the Indians, French, English and American settlers. The Dudley Massacre, The Battle of Fallen Timbers, Fort Miami, Fort Meigs, they are all within ten minutes of my old house. This may or may not have anything to with my haunted childhood but it sets a nice back drop for a ghost story.

From spectral cats to a shadow person, the house had spooky happenings. One time after school, I was home alone enjoying a bowl of cereal. What kind I can’t remember. Anyway, the bowl of cereal slid about six inches across the table. Not so weird if you think about the unevenness of the floor in that old house. Add a little milk and gravity and you have a sliding bowl. Right? The weird part is that the bowl of cereal slid back to me. With crawling skin and the TV blaring I finished the bowl.

Another time I was exercising, again alone, when I heard footsteps up stairs. I dismissed the noise as one of our cats and continued to pump iron to the classic melodies of ZZ Top. Again I heard the footsteps tromping around upstairs. They seemed to be traveling in circles, spiraling to a central point in the main hallway. Once again, I played the noise off as the cats chasing each other around, and continued to rip my biceps. A few minutes elapsed and there were the footsteps again. This time they were moving from bedroom to bedroom upstairs, almost as if looking for something. I got an eerie feeling and began to suspect that it was not the cats. Just then the footsteps began to head for the stairs. I froze. My heart was pounding. Sweat, not the hot type you get when you exercise, beaded on my arms. The hair on the nape of my neck jolted upright. For some unknown reason I approached the doorway that lead upstairs, the footsteps now stomping at the top landing. As I looked up I remember seeing a shadow of a person(?) pass across the light cresting from the window to the side of the top landing. No person was there. The footsteps continued. Louder and faster they came down the steps, as if they were letting the momentum carry them. I turned and fled outside. I stood in the back yard for what seemed like eons waiting for my parents to come home. I never told them what happened. Although, they did ask why I was outside with nothing but shorts and socks in the middle of October.

This was not the last time I would encounter this shadow person. Later I would meet him...it...whatever face to face.

I love rainy day's

2007-10-23T09:09:00.000-04:00

I love rainy days. Except when I have to work. It is no fun building walls, aerating, mulching or otherwise generally maintaining peoples properties when it’s cold, dank and miserable outside. I would rather be: hanging out with the G-man and Pixie; or reading a good book; or playing the drums; or playing the guitar; or playing the bass; or playing the uke; or sleeping. Who the hell likes to work outside when it’s raining? I’ll tell you who: My boss. Either he likes to work in the rain or he is “trying to make money”. Geez, what a jerk.

What do you like to do on a rainy day?

Breakfast with a star

2007-10-21T12:12:00.000-04:00

Friday, Pixie and I had the honor of having breakfast with a local celebrity: Jamie Farr.

For those of you not familiar with Mr. Farr's work, allow me to enlighten you. Farr propelled himself into the homes and hearts of Americans with his famed role as Corporal Klinger in the television series M*A*S*H. He gained most of his notoriety as this cross dressing persona, but he has had many great accomplishments in his fifty plus years in show business. He stood side by side with Red Skelton on Red's live T.V program in the fifties. He starred along side Burt Reynolds, Dean Martin, Jackie Chan,and Dom Deluise in "Cannonball Run" I & II and has many other roles in countless projects, both as director and actor, to his credit. He also co-sponsors a famous LPGA tournament in The Glass City every year. Check out his credentials here, here and here.

Alright back to my story.

Pixie got tickets to an OBTA meeting through her work and we got to attend the "Business dress" breakfast with 148 other lucky guests. The combined age in the room must have been close to 8,000. I am not saying that there was a plethora of old people, but there were a few who have known Farr's since the beginning.... of time. Plus, nobody thought it was funny when I showed up in a tropical pattern dress with a Carmen Miranda fruit hat on. Hey, they said "Business Dress" and and since Farr's business is the comedy business, I thought he would get a kick out of it. Apparently he wasn't in a jocund mood that morning because with a nod of his head two burly body guards "escorted" me out of the building. They proceeded to "explain to me" Mr. Farr's distaste for "funny guy's" bothering him with kitschy acts during the most important meal of the day. After I awoke, I discovered Pixie had brought me a change of clothes, kindly leaving it next to my mashed fruit hat.

Back inside, the breakfast was fantastic! If there is one thing I love more than free food is a buffet of free food. I had my fill of french toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns, orange juice and more bacon. They had fruit and cold cereal as well, but health food makes me sick so I stuck with the bacon.

Mr. Farr spoke briefly after breakfast. The president of Davis College presented Mr. Farr with an honorary Associates degree in Fashion Merchandise Marketing with a minor in something else equally witty, though I now can't remember what it was. Then we all left the breakfast hall and made our way to the Lucas Room in the grand Hilton Hotel for the OBTA conference. Farr spoke fondly of his past achievements, his rise to fame and his wife's cleavage, making the crowd laugh with every tale. He then had a brief question and answer period. I have to say that I was disappointed he didn't speak on anything remotely related to Business. That, after all, was his obligation as the keynote speaker at a business meeting. Maybe he forgot where he was. But his many humorous stories made up for his dementia.

After the Keynote speech was over we actually got our pictures taken with Mr. Farr. He is an extremely nice gentleman; waiting patiently while everyone groveled at his feet for an autograph and a picture. Pixie and I had one of the lucky student winners from Davis College take a picture of us with Farr. Then as we were walking away, Pixie noticed the picture was blurry, so we turned around shoved the people who had waited patiently behind us out of the way and demanded another picture with Farr. We had her take a third one for good measure. This last one turned out the best.

He was quick witted and for a man his age only had to use the bathroom eight times during the hour long breakfast. I'm impressed. What a time we had listening to his stories about cross dressing, the war, and oh yeah, the stuff he did for M*A*S*H. It was exciting to meet an honest to goodness celebrity from Toledo. One who hasn't married a curious little man and joined a cult.

Integrity

2007-10-18T07:27:00.000-04:00

Now here is a man who stands for what he believes. A shining example of what most people lack, integrity.

?????????????????????????????????????????

2007-10-16T21:52:00.001-04:00

I have spent all my free time tonight reading and commenting on other peoples posts and leaving myself no time to think of a post of my own. So here it is. An open post format. Ask me any question you would like. Any question at all and I will answer it for you. No matter how depraved or disgusting or humiliating the question, I will answer it. Whether the question is about me, the future of pork barrels, the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow, whatever. Don't hold back and don't be afraid. This all-knowing, all-seeing, Maharishi is at your service.

I will not however try to guess your weight. What is this, a freaking carnival?

Random Thoughts for Friday

2007-10-12T07:27:00.000-04:00

Did I say Friday? I meant Saturday. I started writing this post seventeen hours ago and just sat back down to finish my rant.

First of all, congratulations to Al Gore on winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently they hand it out if you cash in enough frequent-flyer miles. If you want to talk about global climate change being caused by man, well here is the man doing it. In fact, Bigfoot and Sheryl Crow should start a save the planet tour and call it the "Hey look at me. No really, look at me. I'm saving the planet by using all the resources before you stupid hoi polloi have a chance. So look at me. Please."

Am I the only one who is tired of having these hypocritical elitists' spewing on how the general public should conserve and recycle? I was conserving resources and practicing the three R's long before it became a designer trend. It's called being poor. But not only poor, having a conscience. Now all the sudden some billionaire decides to rouse the ignorant masses by saying the sky is falling and he is a hero?

Don't get me wrong I think that he is passionate about his cause. I admire the guy's gusto. He is trying to do what he thinks is right. Though what his cause exactly is and why he deserves what I thought was an eminent award I have no idea. I mean, how the hell is a fictional movie, based on skewed reality a benefit to humanity? I would further question the Swedes definition of Noble Laureate but I am reminded of Alfred and his gift to humanity. Let's all say it together (like Jimi Walker) "Dyn-O-Mite"!

Is the earth warming, probably. Has it done this before? Yes. Go to the other extreme and we have ice ages. Earth's climate changes. I have another inconvenient truth for you all; the sun is going to explode... in about a billion years. It's terminal. I guess that's our fault for not getting those spots checked.

So far as reactions to winning this once revered prize, this lady has it right.

Second, let me thank Mattel, China and the U.S for trying to kill us all with lead paint. Next time don't be a bunch of pantie-waists, use a lethal dose. Speaking of recalls, is it just the media creating and perpetuating hysteria through these "recall stories" or does no one know how to make a worthwhile product that won't cause cancer or kill us?

I blame the unions. The unions and the imperial capitalist pigs. Unions, imperial capitalist pigs, and Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah, that about covers that.

C, how is it that someone can buy a gun and think that it's a good idea to give it to their disgruntled son. Oh yeah, and junior, I have one word for you, "salad".

When I was younger, we settled each other's hash with a good old fashioned fist-a-cuffs after school; two guys beating the hell out of each other without the permanence of death or life in a psyche ward. I guess I am being a romantic, but those seemed like such simpler times.

Times when the Earth wasn't melting, and Rosie O'Donnell wasn't trying to poison us.

Trash Man

2007-10-09T22:21:00.000-04:00

You let me down today. What happened? I thought we had an understanding? We had a symbiotic relationship. I would put my refuse on the curb every Tuesday morning. You would drive by with your buddies and throw the trash into the back of your truck. Everyone was happy.

Remember when I gave you that Wurlitzer Organ? You threw your back out trying to hoist it into the truck. You had to have two people help you load it. Remember how the only note it would make after you smashed it with your compressor was B flat? Those were good times. Why? Why did you forsake me? Was it something I said? Was it the overstuffed bags? The dirty diapers? The body parts?

This morning you only took two-thirds of my garbage. I left you three nice bags, not too heavy but not light enough to insult your manhood. Three perfect little bags. But you only thought two of them were good enough to haul to your magical trash kingdom. The third and smallest of the bags—I called him shorty— was still there when I left for work.
I was going to call you and inquire if you were alright, if maybe you were mad at me, but I decided to let you cool off for a while. You'll come back when you are ready.

Trash man, if you can hear me, I'm sorry. Please come back. We miss you.

Asshole.

Where’s the mechanically separated beef?

2007-10-06T07:21:00.000-04:00

Topps Meats Co. is closing its doors after faithfully serving the New Jersey area for 67 years and supplying its delicious hamburgers nationwide. The reason? 21.7 million pounds of its frozen hamburgers have been linked to strain of E. Coli O157:H7, a potentially deadly bacteria that causes among other things bloody diarrhea (I have been told that it looks and sounds like a half empty bottle of ketchup being squeezed).
The company slaughters cows and forms patties, which are then frozen and shipped to barbeques all around the nation. Maybe I have watched to many Soprano’s episodes, but I ate a Topp’s burger one time and it was really greasy and tasted like Cadillac’s and pinky rings. I’m just saying. Maybe the USDA should have inspected this “meat processing” facility years ago. Perhaps there is a reason—large envelope full of money—that they didn’t, oh well, I am sure there was ten’s of thousands of good reasons.

So before you cook up those last minute autumn burgers on the grill do yourself a favor; inspect the package, then call an attorney.

Also, I would like to extend my condolences to the D’Urso family for having to shut down your factory—fahgettaboutit! I have an envelope for you.

Goodbye logic, hello America

2007-10-03T07:21:00.000-04:00

I will typically tend to stay away from voicing my political views on this blog, but I felt that I should say something about the recent Jessie Macbeth fiasco. First of all shame on you Jesse. Secondly good for you Rush. And lastly, it just goes to show you how warped the media really is that they can run a story that smears someone like Rush, who although a lot of people disagree with him (and I am not a hardcore listener by the way)he does tend to tell the truth among his right-wing rantings. Once again the media and now even our senators are jumping on the "We don't need any facts, just hang someone" mentality. Shame on you all, ignoramuses.

Breathe, Breathe in the air...

2007-09-29T06:48:00.000-04:00

It is 6:27 a.m. I have been awake for a half an hour and already have the urge to smoke a cigarette. This urge will continue to plague me all day, constantly in the back of my thoughts. Taunting me with sweet puffs of over five hundred chemicals, most of which cause some disease or ailment. I will be able to hold out until around five o’clock (I hope) and then after that another few hours. This has been going on for twenty-six weeks, or for those interested and informed about as long as the Wee-one has been in my life.
Before he was born I new I would quit. I still have not, but I have greatly reduced the amount I smoke, going from at least a pack a day to at the most five cigarettes a day. Most days I only have one or two, but some days are more trying then others. Everyday I struggle with this demon; rolling and tumbling down the hallway of addiction. It is not that easy.
I refuse to take any kind of drug, patch or gum to aid in my overcoming nicotine. Mostly because I don't have health insurance and that stuff costs a lot of money. But also because in an age where doctors have a pill for every conceivable ailment, addiction and problem I like to thumb my nose at them and at least prove to myself that nobody needs all those drugs to feel better. I will do this on my own, at my pace and with nothing more then my will power. Which is why twenty-six weeks into my “reduced smoking plan” I am still at five or less a day but unable to take (or unwilling) that final step and quit the habit I formed many, many years ago. I have gone a day here and there without smoking, but can't get over that last speed bump.
Every time I feel the urge to have a smoke I take a series of deep breaths and tell myself all the horrible things I am doing to my body when smoking, and all the positive outcomes of quitting. Not to mention my son won’t know I smoked and therefore being in a family that doesn’t smoke will not when he grows up.
The hardest time for me is in the morning with my coffee, while having a beer and while I’m awake. Other than that it is not so bad. It is easiest for me when I am around Pixie and G-man.
One of these days I will quit. Until then I will continue to breathe deeply.

The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

2007-09-25T21:03:00.000-04:00

“Dope will get you through times of no money better then money will get you through times of no dope.”
—Free Wheelin' Franklin

Ah, the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers.

When I was younger I used to love reading those raunchy, not-for-kids comic strips about three "brothers" out to score a buzz without getting burned. Every Thanksgiving My mother would open her secret vault of naughty comics and allow my brother, sister and I to read the mishaps of these anti-hero's.
Franklin with his no-nonsense approach to catching a buzz, always ordering the other two to secure him some dope.
Fat Freddy, oh Fat Freddy you hapless moron. You are going to indulge yourself to death.
Phineas, the brains of the operation. I remember he rigged a car to become remote controlled. He and Free Wheelin' Franklin stood on the roof top of their apartment building and watched the fuzz chase the car all over the city. Those crazy hippies.

Such fond memories of my childhood.

It now seems that Fab Bros. creator Gilbert Sheldon is putting together a movie called "Grass Roots". The movie will be stop motion with little rubber characters. I can't wait to see this. I will pay the outrageous $9.75 for my ticket, then run around the back of the theatre and let in Pixie. That is saying a lot, since I absolutely refuse to fall victim to Hollywood's black hole movie industry and their crazy belief that I would actually pay that kind of money to see the vomit they try and pass off as entertainment. Maybe I'll just wait for it to come out on DVD, like everything else. Hey at least then I can enjoy the movie in the comfort of my own home.

So check out Sheldon's site and discover the Freakiness today.

Update:I in no way condone the use of illicit drugs, stop animation, or Thanksgiving. This was simply a funny comic strip that I thought was cool. Stay in school and don't do drugs kids.

A lazy friday with my Family

2007-09-24T23:13:00.001-04:00

Friday, Holly, G-man and I took a trip to Maumee Bay State Park in Oregon Ohio. We had a blast! Rather than just tell you all about our adventure, I decided to use pictures. Don't worry I threw in some captions for all the Brainiacs out there who have to read.

It was late when I posted this and Holly was asleep. Some of the pictures are sideways and I don't know how to rotate them, so if you don't mind rotating your screens counter-clockwise...Thank you.

Gideon, are you ready for a nap?

I am just kidding. We are going to the park!

I love the park Dad!

Okay, are Mom and Gideon ready?

I have always been an intrepid explorer. Just look at the hat!

Ah, look at the trash that inconsiderate patrons leave on the ground.

Oh, look Gideon, an observation tower. Let's go climb it and observe the view.

It seems so far away.

WOW! How did mom get here so fast?

At this point there was a slight run in with a swarm of Bee's, or Wasp's or some type of flying insect with a stinger and an attitude.
When I say run-in, I mean runaway. As in me hot-footing it the hell out of there. Eventually we were fine. I just had to apologize for pushing Gideon at the killer Bee's in order to save myself.

Oh, what do you see Gideon?

A caterpillar.

Now what do you see?

A deer.

Oh, look, a snake. Do you see it?

What is that?

Nice, probably from the girlfriend of the douche that was drinking in the forest.

Here we are in the Nature Building. Who can spot the owl?

Hey Gideon, I wonder how they got all these neat bird's in one place.

Oh well, let's go to the beach.

Aww, Gideon and Mommy. Aren't they cute.

Gideon loves the water!

We splashed the water then...

...we went back to our "tent" to relax before the drive home.

I love being a Dad.

Lend a helping hand

2007-09-22T00:33:00.001-04:00

Before this week I had never heard of Lenticular Clouds, but they are quite fascinating. They seem to take unusual round and ribbon shapes. What a spectacular sight to behold—but how are these beautiful dihydrogen monoxide masses formed? What sets them apart from other clouds? Do we have to hate and fear them because they are different? I did a little research and the results were astounding:

They are almost always found in the sky.

Occasionally they can be seen at the Kewadin Casinos —where the serenity of nature and the materialistic deviance of Las Vegas elope.

They have poor eyesight, but excellent hearing. However, they are horrible listeners.

They startle easily and can be quite aggressive when threatened.

They migrate thousands of miles each year to mate. After hours of grueling ankle grabbing they cry in the shower and then make the long trek back to their place of birth to lay their eggs.

They get their majestic shapes and colors from jello molds and food coloring.

Unfortunately these magnificent freaks of suspended vapor are being threatened. It seems that the abundance of cell phone towers throughout the free world has caused the clouds to lose their sense of direction. The clouds have become torpid. They feel they have nothing to left to offer society. But with the help of good people in the Blogging community, not unlike yourself, we can fight to end their suffering and get them the necessary help they so deserve. Please do your part. Visit this site for more information on what you can do to help. Thank you.

I hope you all learned as much as I did. See you tomorrow boys and girls.

Random thought of the day

2007-09-20T11:03:00.000-04:00

How many times have you heard the expression, “Your a load that should have been swallowed”?

I hear that all the time.

The person usually saying it is me. I usually say it to random fucktards on the road who have the uncanny ability to be both inconsiderate drivers and mindless asshats simultaneously.

My brother's friend used to say this sometimes. He was a wise man.

The birthing of a blog

2007-09-20T01:13:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, September Eleventh.

The day I lived the dream.

For years I have worked at a job that I cannot stand just to be able to provide for my wife, our life and most important myself. Since the introduction of the Wee-one I have worked even harder to earn and save for items that we need and to have extra scratch just in case of emergencies. I am no slouch when it comes to hard work. I went to school on nights and weekends part-time for years in hopes that one-day I would be able to leave my menial labor job behind and move on to bigger and better things. Make a difference in the world (at least mine anyway—the rest of you are on your own); live out my dream of being an artist, a writer, a lyricist, a guitar player, and a published author. You know, become lazy. These are activities I love to do, but somehow, somewhere along the line I became ensnared in the hustle and bustle of everyday living, lost sight of my dreams and turned my attention towards just plain living for that paycheck. To put it lightly I am miserable. I dread going to work so much that recently I have become depressed and lost both physical and mental energy. In fact I no longer seem to find pleasure in giving Pixie Dutch Ovens— Honey, I'm just going through the motions.
So I know what you are thinking. Why don’t you get a different job? Do what you want to do and relax for a while. The problem is I need the money to sustain our extravagant lifestyle: the order-in pizzas, the Busch beer, the Kroger brand food products. And trying to find time to jump into the game of job searching is more than a little difficult, though I am attempting the arduous task with as much enthusiasm as I can muster—especially in light of recent developments at work.
So today I called in sick and spent the entire morning, afternoon and evening living the dream; spending time with my son.
Hell I even got a minute amount of writing and resume building accomplished. How can I go back to work now? This is what I want to do with my life. Have my sugar momma pay the bills whilst I watch our son and be creative.

Saturday, September 15
I had a very trying day Friday, which ended in me telling my boss that I was done with his shit and his company. All week it seemed that if something could go wrong it did; equipment was faltering and breaking, we got pulled over twice (and by the grace of God that D.O.T Comm Vehicle Inspection cop had a sense of humor), tensions were flaring, and innocent kitten lives were being lost (a long story and one I am still too sore to talk about. Why Mr. Boots? Why!). Not to mention the litany of usual mishaps and embarrassments that plague that company on a diurnal basis.
I got home and had a slight nervous breakdown, tipped a beer for Mr. Boots and began to think about my future.

Sunday, September 16
Sunday evening and I am still not sure what I want to do with my current job or my life. I know I want to write and I know I do not want to go back to work tomorrow, but other than that I have no idea.

Monday, September 17
Stayed home from work and started writing my resume. Got side tracked into reading Blogs.
Decided I wanted to start a Blog in order to have a creative outlet. Finished Resume work, straightened up the house and played Ukulele until Gideon got home.

Tuesday, September 18
Worked on Resume more. Gathered portfolio materials into a cohesive structure. God this is a lot of fricking work, I want to go back to my menial labor job. Had a beer, uh I mean creative juice. Had my second cigarette for the day. Sat down in the office chair. Cracked my knuckles. Stared at the screen for thirty minutes. Wiped the drool off the desktop before it left a stain. I watched Mr. Fabulous’ Vblog and spit beer out of my nose. Where does this guy get his material? Maybe he will write my Blog. After G-man went to sleep I spent three hours picking colors for my side bar and heading. Blogging is so cool.

Wednesday, September 19
I have been at this computer screen for approximately 43 games of Orbitz 8-ball trying to decide what my first post will be about.