Another cheesy post

As any one who knows Pixie and I will tell you, she is the culinary expert of our dynamic duo. She has made over 2,500 meals in our eight years together, all of them good. Well all except one, and that wasn't her fault. That Chicken doesn't count because after she had cooked it we discovered a large tumor-like growth inside. It was gross enough send us to Taco Bell for dinner. That was Krogers fault. We have since forgiven them, since they have the best deals on food in town...and they are only three minutes from our house.

Anyway my point is that I can easily make mindless foods like toast, toast with butter, toast with butter and apple butter (one of my favorite dishes), cold cereal, and instant mashed potatoes. There are very few actual dishes that I have perfected to the point of being edible. One of them is my famous grilled cheese sandwiches.

Over the years I have refined this seemingly unassuming sandwich that at first thought seems so, so bland, but once sampled engorges the taste buds with a euphoric medley of vegetable oil based spreads known as bargain cheeses. My combination of opposing cheese textures, scientifically tested butter to bread ratio, total cook time, and bread selection make this grilled cheese the ultimate in palatable pasteurized pleasure.
And today is your lucky day. I will open the vault within my steely mind and share my secret recipe with you. You can thank me later.


Step 1: Get a loaf of whole grain bread.


Step 1a: Get four pieces of bread out of the bag.

Helpful hint: Extricate the twisty tie to remove the slices of bread. It saves a lot of time in finding a new bag to put the bread in after you have destroyed the original.


Step 2:
Gather your cheeses. My recipe calls for at least three basic kinds of cheese. You may use more then three, but never less. These three basic quasi-cheeses must appear in order to claim this as an authentic JQ grilled cheese sandwich. Those quasi-cheeses are as follows:

Cream Cheese

Sharp Cheddar

American Cheese

They don't have to necessarily be Kroger brand either but I'm looking for endorsements. Also, for some reason the cheaper the product the better the sandwich tastes.

I love the taste of a good deal.

Step 3: Butter the bread and begin the cheesing process. I like to butter two slices and place them, butter-side down, on a non-stick pan. I know there is some controversy over which side of the bread to butter, but I always butter the top. It's just easier.

Step 3a: I use the remaining, unbuttered, slices as a stage for the cheese assembly. American cheese goes first.

Step 3b: Spread the Cream cheese on the American cheese. It is much easier to spread the Cream cheese on the American cheese than on the bread. Trust me.


Step 3c: After the Cream cheese is spread evenly, transfer the cheese assemblage to the bread on the pan. Then add the sharp cheddar. Enough to cover the existing pile of cheesy goodness.

Step 3d: Add a final slice of American cheese. This helps form a cheese pocket when cooked, preventing nasty cheese spillage.

Step 3e: Butter the last piece of bread and apply to the top of the sandwich.


Step 4: Cook over low heat until bread is golden brown on both sides.

Step 5: Plate the sandwich on a paper plate supported by a wicker paper plate basket. This enhances the frugal ambiance established by the cheese selection.

Step 6: Enjoy the tastiest grilled cheese sandwich you have ever made.

I also made some Tabouli several days earlier. The juxtaposing flavors of the sandwich and the salad were exquisite.

Doesn't that look tasty?

So the next time you throw a dinner party you can wow your guests with this amazingly delicious entree. Just make sure you give me credit. I know people who know people who know your friends and they'll tell me. Let's just say I won't be happy and it would be a real shame if you were to find your bread covered in mold.

Hey it happens.