"I just want to say that I feel fine. Everything seems wrong. Nothing is so wrong that it can't be fixed. I actually feel better now than I have in a long time. It's been an amazing lesson in perseverance, dedication and patience.
I will succeed.
I recently read a good book called the Bhagavad Gita. And although I have no intention of becoming a practicing Hindu, I seem to have a clearer understanding of life now. It has calmed my soul and shown me a way to become more in touch with my Atman, if you will.
I also had a nice discussion with my Guitar instructor, who as well as being a brilliant guitarist is a Zen Buddhist. We talked about meditation, and so on....
I think it's the time in my life when I need to start finding my spiritual self."
2/19/09
I started to write the above post last month. I never published the post. I was wearing a mask of false bravado, trying to force myself to stay positive. I still am in a way trying to force myself to be positive. It's rather difficult.
Since then I have also read: "Man's search for meaning: An Introduction to Logotherapy", "Guatama Buddha in life and Legend", and am currently reading "Not always so: Practicing the true art of Zen."
I don't feel much like doing anything. I just feel kind of empty. Pixie keeps telling me that all I am posting is a bunch of depressing dribble. I don't care. This is my blog and my life that I am talking about. Right now it's mostly depressing dribble.
Our mini vacation in Chicago was very nice. We got to visit with G-Gi and Grandpa. G-tot was thrilled to see them and is still saying "Grampa, G-Gi!"
We went to the Burpee Natural History Museum in Rockford and saw T. Rex bones. G-tot is now crazy for dinosaurs.
Chicago was nice too. Pixie and I walked around took in the sites. Thanks to the generosity of my Uncle we had a great dinner at a quaint little Italian restaurant. Grandpa and G-Gi took us to the Cheese Cake Factory for dinner on Saturday. The rest of the time was enjoyed laying around in the hotel room.
I wish I would have had more money. There are a lot of people in the city who need help. I can't help but feel for them, and had I had the money I would have helped them. It always amazes me to see people carrying bags out of a store where a shirt costs five hundred dollars, and then completely ignoring the father and son standing ragged in the street asking for change so they can go eat a meal that isn't from a garbage can. Are these pretentious fashionistas desensitized to the plight of their fellow man because they see abject poverty all the time? Has their desire for the material world left them completely blind to what is happening around them? Are they just so shallow that they don't care? Am I just ignorant of how the world really behaves? Perhaps all the above.
All I know is that I can not give up. I will overcome. And when I do, I will make it part of my life's work to help my fellow man. Everyone needs help in one way or another.
Peace.
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10 comments:
Sounds like the books came to you at the right time in your life. It's funny how that works.
I too try to give money when I can. In these times it's hard to give to everyone who needs a little help.
I think the people that have oodles of money, were born into that and don't understand how most of the country struggles to get food on the table, clothes on their kids, or keep the roof over their families heads. It's very sad that they can't see how a few pieces of change could really help someone out of a rough situation.
I never said it was dribble.
What a bunch of depressing dribble.. Just kidding.
I don't really have a problem with helping people that are down on their luck and get them back on their feet, as long as they are also trying to help themselves. Standing on a street corner begging doesn't really fit that definition to me. We have a lot of professional panhandlers around here that sit at interstate exits begging, claiming they will work for food. A friend of mine stopped and offered them a bag of groceries, they refused it, wanted only cash. Panhandling is big business in some places. People like that are doing major harm to those that truly could use help.
Buddhism is fascinating to me, and in the end it really boils down to just doing only that which is good. A great concept, and one that we all need to try to follow (especially me, I'm a bastard).
Weird, the anti-spam word is "fixie".
I feel like 99% of my blogging is depressing dribble, or at least stuff that frustrates other people and causes them anxiety. Why bottle it up, though? If you do, it festers and continues to effect you. Sometimes we all just need to release the valve, let out a little pressure. Getting the corrosive things out of our minds and souls and into the blogosphere is a cleansing thing. I like what you've been reading. I haven't read any of it, but I've read enough of other such things to be able to relate and realize what you've been relating to.
We have to like ourselves, love ourselves, help ourselves before we can do/be any of those things tofor anyone else.
I'm glad you guys got to go on a little trip and have some downtime with loved ones that spoiled you a bit. We all need that, too. Coming down after such a good experience isn't always easy, but what goes up must come down, right? The tides go in and out. People inhale and exhale. Everything breathes, whether we like it or not. There is always a coming together, followed by a space or distance.
Oh, and, during the end of 2007, when we were moving out of our home, and in with my parents, a coworker of mine whom I barely knew stopped and said to me
"I don't have much, but what I have is yours, please call me if you need anything".
I knew she was enduring struggles of her own, and I was so touched by her generous offer of herself with those words that I was moved to tears. I never hit her up for anything, but just having someone say those words helped me. We can't always give what we want, or as much of what we'd like to someone else, but sometimes eye contact or a smile, or a "God bless you" makes a difference. Most people just want to be noticed. A wise woman once said "Treat everyone you meet as if they were wearing a sign around their neck that read "MAKE ME FEEL IMPORTANT".".
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation 'some fact of my life' unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake."
Absolutely. Nothing.
The above quote has helped me on hundreds of occasions over the past 12 years, when so very much has changed in my life.
When I become particularly depressed, I find a gratitude list helps enormously.
Of course, there are always sporks. Sporks are magical.
P.S. Have you ever read the Tao of Pooh and/or Siddhartha? Those are two of my favorites and I would recommend them to any(every)one.
Jessica- I have to believe that everything happens for a reason...no matter how crappy the situation or the results. I guess this is how I find religion.
Pixie- Calm down. I know they are depressing posts; a far cry form posts about Lenticular Cloud formations.
Nobody- I agree, there are a lot of swindlers out there. You just have to see past them to those who need help. Those swindlers will realize Karma one day and then they too will turn around. Hinduism and Buddhism are very fascinating...
Shades- Blogs are a great outlet. Maybe one day I will post something funny again.
Annette- I love sporks! Seriously, thanks for your kind words.
Everyone- Thank you for your kind words. I know everything will work out in the end, it's just not suffering along the way that I am trying to learn.
I am sorry things are not working out for you right now the way you would like them too, but things will change somehow.
I was in a nasty time in my life for almost 2 yrs and thought it would always be like that. It sucked. I got out of it, and even though life is sometimes hard and not nearly perfect, I am so much happier for it!
Muah big fat HUG!!!
Dutchy- I never expected life to be perfect, just no so crappy all the time. Saying all this out loud really helped. Thanks for the hug and kind words, those help too.
I don't give money to panhandlers for the same reason Nobody said.
Right now, though, I am keeping all the money I can get. Taking a few trips here and there, but I'm in a similar boat.
Let's just say I hope not to be living with my parents for two or three years, like my dad keeps saying I might.
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