"The baddest man in the whole damn town...."

What, you think you are tougher than me? Well, how many five year olds can you stomp at once?

28


Yeah, I'm a badass!

Okay, there is something weird with the above link. To see how many quinquennial punks you could wipe out click here.

"Butterfly in the sky, I can fly twice as high...."

I finished reading my first two books last week; Friday, I believe. Well, I say two books but it really only counted as one book.

The George Harrison Biography, I Me Mine, was different than I imagined. The beginning of the book was a brief biography written by Derek Taylor, smatterings of George’s words mixed-up in between. It was an interesting approach, but I felt somewhat jipped that George did not write the whole thing. George must have been too busy taking drugs, racing cars and playing music to write his own autobiography.

I can honestly say that I would have hired someone to write my book as well. But that is only because I am lazy, not because I have too many activities that demand my attention.

The whole Biography was only about two hundred pages or so long. I was reminded of Gonzo journalism. Taylor’s colloquialisms and writing style was very seventies-ish, and slightly verbose. Though in the end, I felt I had a better insight into the man who was the Dark horse.

The second half of the book was George’s song lyrics. Since this book was published in 1978 there were a lot of great songs he had not even recorded yet. The many songs that were in the book were accompanied by small quips, quotes, remembrances and reasons why he wrote those songs. That was very, dare I say, enlightening and entertaining.

I recommend I, Me, Mine to any Beatles fan, or George Harrison-a-holic (like myself) who pines for the inner knowledge of their favorite pop icons.

My second read was the fifth installment of the Harry Potter series: Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix. This was an outstanding read! Rowling has really honed her craft in this book. Her story arc, character development, character relations, intricate plot line, word usage, point of view, voice and attitude, etc.....I mean everything, was just great!

I have to admit, I was a bit hesitant when I first started reading Harry Potter and the Sorcery’s Stone. The book was written for children and, well, read like it was written for children. I was not very impressed. Don’t get me wrong, the story itself was brilliant, but the way she crafted her story was asi-asi.

Each book has gotten progressively better, with number five being the best so far. She has ascended her story into the throws of semi-serious literature with Order of the Phoenix.
I am going to save my plot synopsis because I have to be the last person on earth to have read this series. You all know what happens. However, for all you Hardcore Harry fans, I will entertain any further discussion in my comments or via e-mail.

That being said, my second of ten books is going to be—drum roll please— Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I am going to count this as one whole book, seeing as how the line between children's literature and adult literature has been crossed as definitely as Grawp is tall.

In all honesty, I have already started the book and am two hundred odd pages into the story. Pixie and I are reading this one together, so I have to wait until she gets home tonight to read any more. Hurry honey, hurry!

"But all I got is this photograph...."

Alright boys and girls, it is the moment most of you have probably forgotten about. I am going to announce the winning photograph.

But first I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to all of you who stopped by, either of your own free will or because Pixie cajoled you into coming here. It really means a lot to me that so many strangers know what a goofy dip shit I can be. Really, I mean that from the bottom of my feet. Not only am I walking away from this with a new avatar, but I am gaining several new friends (to me a friend is any one who doesn't deny my existence after discovering that I do, in fact, exist). I would like to thank Lynda, Fig, Silicone Alley, Cruel Shoes, Vegas Princess, Shades and NayNayfazz for making the trek to my little pond and chiming in with their ballots. Of course I would also like to thank all my regulars, the non-bloggers, and the lurkers (you know who you are) for their votes.

And last but not least my beautiful wife Pixie. Without her relentless badgering of those poor innocent bloggers I would not have shattered my all-time comment record, or had as much fun doing this little election.

Okay, on with the results.

Picture #1 only got a few measly votes. Some people liked it, but didn't vote for the "Nose" shot. That is a shame because I really think my nose has a certain olfactory charm that you just don't find in non-nose body parts.

Picture #2, although warming the genitalia of most of the female bloggers (sorry honey, it's Gods gift to me) and a few of the blokes out there, failed to find the winners seat, so I canned it.

So, if you haven't guessed by now, the big winner is Picture #3— the swimming cap photo. The people have spoken and they say nothing exemplifies JQ like a frilly, rubbery, flower cap so tightly fitted around my unusually large cranium that my face looks like a toy sea cucumber being squeezed to death.

To be fair though it really isn't mine, I swear! It's his!


Thanks again for playing along. My usual mind numbing word vomit will resume tomorrow.

"Oh I'm picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you...."

Maybe you can help me pick a new avatar. Maybe I'll take your considerations to heart. I might even agree with someone and choose the one they like over the popular vote.

I will most likely do whatever I want.

I, being the tireless taker of goofy self-potraits, feel the need to change my avatar often. None of the pictures I have had so far really capture my personality(ies) in just the right way. So this time I will show you three pictures and allow you to choose the new face of JQ. That's right, the picture which receives the most votes will become the new visage of the same, tired old rhetoric. Exciting huh?

Don't get too giddy, I will most likely change it soon.

So brush up on your voting skills—this is an election you have to think about.

Picture #1

I thought this picture would show my ability to sniff out excellent ideas and relate them in a humorous, yet enlightening way to my readers.

Picture #2

I choose this picture because it's my good side. Plus, people tell me what a huge ass I am all the time.

Picture #3

This is my swimming cap. What?


Addendum:

There are only a few voting days left. Tell your friends and neighbors. Call your Great Aunt Macy, write your local inmate, spread the word to have everyone cast their ballot. The new picture will appear Friday afternoon at precisely 12 p.m.—or whenever I get around to posting the results. Until then, enjoy yourselves, but don't forget the tissues.

"You'll have to have them all pulled out ...."

I woke up this morning with an aching tooth. This pain has been going on since before Christmas. Well, if you want to be fair about it, it has been going on for a long time, it just came to a head this morning.

I awoke with a headache and my tooth was killing me. I don't like to complain and I like to think I have a slightly above average tolerance for pain, but one thing I don't like is mouth pain. It might have something to do with the fact that when I was a kid I was climbing the walls in the bathroom at the county's rec center when I slipped and fell right on my face. Many stitches and liquefied foods later I healed, but I still remember that day like it was almost twenty years ago.

Anyway, I had had enough of the pain this morning and decided to call the dentist. Luckily he had an availability in the late morning.

I arrived at the office, and explained to him my discomfort. He had his assistant x-ray my mouth and several minutes later we were discussing what the problem might be. He thought it could be the deep cavity I had filled several years ago. I explained that the pain shoots up into my jaw and that I even feel discomfort in my tongue. I told him that there was no sensitivity to hot or cold, just an ache. He asked me exactly what tooth hurt and I told him the very last one on the top right. My wisdom tooth.

I have never had them removed and they are a constant source of pain and discomfort for me. I told him to go ahead and pull it.

He gave me some novocaine and proceeded to push the tooth around to loosen the root. The way you can feel the pressure but not the pain is an unsettling experience in my opinion. It felt like a cloth being torn apart. It was quite an odd feeling, but I am glad it wasn't painful. Which reminded me of the last time I visited his office and requested no novocaine for a cavity. Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking.

Everything went fine. It only took a few minutes from the time I was numb to the time I requested to see my tooth. Not what you would expect to see as a root. It looked more like a pyramid, or an ice cream cone.

I have had a piece of gauze in my mouth since this morning. Every time I think the clot has formed I take out the gauze and within minutes I can feel and taste the blood. I thought I was good after I put G-man to bed, but when I went to take the gauze out there was a large clot on the gauze (which was soaked with blood). I have had a bowl of oatmeal and a few glasses of water today. I am effing starving, but I am afraid to eat anything as it might disrupt the clot.

I hope this wisdom tooth was the problem. If not I am going to be upset. Especially since I have no insurance and my Dentist just remodeled his office.

On the bright side I got rid of some iron and I haven't had a cigarette all day. Though I am seriously considering it.

"Now they're frightened of leaving it...."

Pixie and I are both going to read ten books this year. My first book of the year is actually going to be two books. I am going to stick with the Harry Potter series until I finish that. I am on book number five; Harry potter and the Order of the Phoenix. At the same time I am reading I, me, mine the George Harrison biography. I figured that having a juvenile fiction book counter-balanced by a biography of a rock star would count as one good read. What do you think?

After I finish the Harry Potter series I was thinking of picking up an Ayn Rand novel as per a discussion on Pixies blog. Either Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged. I don't know though, that requires a lot of time looking up all those big words. Words like shrugged and atlas.

I have been a sloth lately. I just wrote 'I have been a slot lately' before correcting myself. Well, maybe. I have felt a tad clammy. Nine weeks until I don't have a job anymore. The job I have had for almost a decade now. I have no idea what is out there for me, but I know I can't go back. I am burnt out and honestly don't want to do that anymore. I have plenty of ideas about what I want to do but no good ideas on how to not do anything and still make money. Any ideas?

Something will come along. I just have to be confident and apply myself.

Well, back to the book.

Nothing from Nothing

I was finally tagged by someone. Well it wasn't someone it was Nobody. I squawked like a little girl because I have always wanted to be tagged. So here you are people of the blog-o-sphere, seven inane facts about yours truly.


1.When I was younger I used to stick tweezers into the electrical outlets at my parents house. I swear I melted a few of them without so much as a burnt finger. That might help in explaining my odd behavior.

2. Sometimes at night I like to fart and then pull the covers over my head.

3. I almost cut my finger off changing a lawn mower blade at work. About a year later I hit the same finger with a sledgehammer and had to have plastic surgery to reattach the tendon. I postponed the operation for four days so Pixie and I could go see Tom Petty in concert. After the concert we went to Drummond Island for vacation. I never took the pain killers save for recreation.

4. I own one six string guitar, one twelve string guitar, one baritone ukulele, one soprano ukulele, one bass, three electric guitars, one violin, two mouth harps, one washboard, one set of drums, one keyboard and a four track.

5. All my post titles are either song titles or snippets of lyrics from songs.

6. I had a pet cat from the time I was twelve until two years ago. He was oddly intelligent. I swear he was an alien sent to observe humans.

7. I am twenty-nine years old and still sing Space Ghost songs to my wife. She sings along.

I will not be tagging anybody else because Nobody and I pretty much read the same seven people and he already tagged them. Fucker.

My little Child

I love my son.

"It's getting better all the time..."

So the new year is upon us, have you resolved to ameliorate your physical, mental, financial, spiritual, or emotional being in an effort to transform into that vibrant enlightened human you have always dreamed of becoming? Or, are you like me: too stupid and lazy to accept any challenge to overcome personal foibles?

I can clamber atop my high-horse and spew about how I am going to: read ten books this year (what a husband and wife can't share new years goals?), pursue my dream of playing music professionally (and by professionally I mean I am going to try and get at least one gig this year or sell one of my songs to a famous artist for thousands of dollars—easy enough huh?), be more patient and understanding, and write more—perhaps finish some of my ideas for a change. Or I can bore you all to tears about how wonderful our first Christmas with the G-man was, but I will leave that story up to Pixie.

Instead I am going to direct your attention to the brand new guitar I purchased over the Holidays. I am quite pleased with it's performance, but am most happy with the small amount of money I spent on it. The story of how the guitar came to be in my possession is long and full of anti-climaxes, protagonists, antagonists, a midget named Harry and fourteen pounds of potato salad. But I will spare you the details and just say that I won't be buying instruments at Guitar Center in the future.




Sorry to disappoint you Jacob, but I did not buy a Breedlove. I purchased a smooth playing, folk-style guitar manufactured by a company named Godin. One of their many fine products, the Art and Lutherie guitar, has reminded me how much I miss playing my six-string acoustic. The price of said guitar has reminded me of how much of a cheap ass I am. It was a win-win buying this axe. Not only did I spend way less than I was going to spend, but I got a better sounding guitar. Hey, and it's pretty to boot.




So while most people have resolved to buy expensive Gym memberships that will undoubtedly fall by the wayside February first, I am going to crack a beer and work on becoming a literate rock star with a lot of patience.

Oh yeah I hope everybody had a great Holiday with their family and friends. I know we did.